The Toxic Truth About Being Selfless

The Hilary Silver Podcast

We’ve been told that putting others first is the hallmark of a good person, but what if that’s a big, fat lie? In this episode, Hilary Silver tackles the myth of selflessness head-on, revealing how this deeply ingrained belief isn’t just harmful—it’s downright toxic. Drawing on her decades of experience as a psychotherapist and lifestyle mentor, Hilary introduces the third core concept of her self-centered model: "In your life, you come first and you go first."

Hilary explains how the pressure to be selfless erodes self-worth, breeds resentment, and creates hollow, transactional relationships. She challenges the narrative that sacrificing yourself for others is noble, exposing how it leads to emotional burnout and a lifetime of feeling undervalued. Instead, Hilary offers a liberating alternative: prioritize yourself unapologetically. Because when you treat yourself with the respect and care you deserve, you teach others to do the same.

Episode Highlights:

• Why “selflessness” is a toxic myth keeping you stuck and resentful.
• How putting yourself first is the most selfless thing you can do.
• The real reason self-sacrifice leaves you exhausted and undervalued.
• Healthy giving vs. soul-sucking selflessness—know the difference.
• Why modeling self-respect is the ultimate relationship game-changer.
• The mindset shift that puts you back in control of your life.

Episode Breakdown:

[00:00] Introduction

[00:53] Meet Hillary Silver

[01:57] The Myth of Selflessness

[02:28] The Big Lie

[04:15] Consequences of Selflessness

[05:57] The Void and Compulsion to Give

[06:33] Resentment and Transactional Relationships

[07:05] Self-Serving Giving

[08:40] Healthy Giving vs. Selflessness

[09:12] Core Concept #3: You Come First

[12:54] Conclusion

Stop putting yourself last—it’s time to take the lead. 💅 Grab Hilary’s free mini video training, "This Changes Everything" and start making yourself the priority you’ve always deserved to be: https://hilarysilver.com/guides/