Chris Voss: #1 Secret Formula FBI Negotiators Use To Always Get What They Want & 4 Ways to Apply These Tactics to Your Life

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

What's a simple negotiation trick you can try today?

How can you get better at persuading others?

Today, Jay welcomes former FBI lead international kidnapping negotiator and author of "Never Split the Difference", Chris Voss. He is renowned for his innovative negotiation strategies that emphasize empathy, emotional intelligence, and tactical communication. After retiring from the FBI, Voss founded The Black Swan Group, a consultancy firm that provides negotiation training for businesses and individuals. He is also a popular speaker and has taught negotiation at various business schools.

Chris discusses his journey from being on a SWAT team to becoming a lead FBI negotiator. He shares that his career path changed after a knee injury and his growing interest in crisis response led him to hostage negotiation where he found the work more satisfying than his previous roles, emphasizing the importance of decisive action in crises.

Chris and Jay discuss how human beings are naturally wired to be negative as a survival mechanism, which impacts negotiations. He reframes negotiation as a collaborative process rather than a confrontational one and suggests that effective negotiation often goes unnoticed because it looks like seamless collaboration. They also talk about gender dynamics in negotiation, with Voss providing advice on how women can better negotiate in environments where they might be undervalued.

In this interview, you'll learn:

How to calm tense talks

How to negotiate with narcissists

How to disarm aggression

How to foster collaboration

How to build rapport

In any situation, effective negotiation is not about winning at all costs but about creating a shared path forward that benefits everyone involved.

With Love and Gratitude,

Jay Shetty

What We Discuss:

• 00:00 Intro
• 01:23 Becoming a Lead Negotiator
• 04:08 Suicide Hotline Conversations
• 08:03 Labeling the Negative Emotions
• 09:35 Negotiation Isn’t a Form of Conflict
• 14:59 How to Get Someone to Collaborate with You?
• 21:15 How Do You Slow Down?
• 25:10 How Do You Prepare for a Negotiation?
• 29:54 Biggest Negotiation Mistakes
• 31:42 Always Look for the Patterns
• 40:20 Used and Taken Advantage Of
• 44:21 The Illusion of Control
• 46:17 What’s Your Intention?
• 48:37 How to Negotiate a Better Salary?
• 50:49 Reward Strategy in the Workplace
• 53:33 Negotiating Unfulfilled Salary Raise
• 58:57 How Can Women Negotiate Better?
• 01:00:57 Negotiations That Don’t End with a Deal
• 01:05:03 Work with the ELFs
• 01:11:05 Polite Boundary Setting
• 01:16:29 How to Not Be Emotional When Negotiating
• 01:22:08 Are You in the Right Relationship?
• 01:25:55 Respecting Other People’s Values
• 01:30:52 Tactical Empathy Documentary
• 01:34:01 Chris on Final Five

Episode Resources:

• Chris Voss | Website
• Chris Voss | Instagram
• Chris Voss | LinkedIn
• Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

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