Codependency and Rediscovering Self: A Sneak Peek

Collitalks ”Transformative Conversations”

Hi, it's Colli from Colli Talks Transformative Conversations. I'm going to be brief. I just want to apologize. The scheduled podcast that was to come out tomorrow can't because there was a massive storm and it was a storm that tower outaged for quite some time and that happened during my interview. So I laugh now, but it wasn't funny then, but it is now in a way that I get to enjoy interviewing the person, the lady that is going to be with us. And I get to interview her all over again. So I get a double bonus. I get to spend twice the time with her.

But in the meantime, what I wanted to talk to you about today or to share with you is I have another guest coming on soon who's an expert in codependence. And I just wanted to give a snippet about it. And that's, you know, codependence is the tragic situation where individuals lose their sense of self because they become so absorbed in someone else's life that they can't make decisions even for themselves. They're not themselves anymore, actually. They're the other person. And that's really heartbreaking because there's so much potential within these individuals, but it gets lost when they can't separate themselves from others. They, you know, the behavior often leads to extreme neediness. And it's not just regular neediness, like I need a glass of milk or I need a cup of coffee or whatever. It's a deeper, more intense form of dependency where they literally throw away their sense of self for the sake of someone else. And they become incredibly needy to the point where they rely on others entirely for validation and direction.

And you know, I see it a lot. I get it a lot with regards to parents and their children. They... Didn't lead the life they thought they wanted. They are unfulfilled. They have children. They push their children to extremes sometimes because they think they're doing it for the betterment of their children, to give them the best life in this competitive world. And so actually, they're doing it because their life is so unfulfilled. They're not even allowing for the child to really express their own needs because the parent is so needy to get the child to be what they never became. So this pattern of behavior often goes hand in hand with other issues. You know, it creates a complex and difficult situation. And what makes it even more challenging is that people in this state usually don't realize they have this problem. They assume everyone is like this, so they don't see that anything is wrong. And when you try, like I've tried sometimes to point it out to certain people who have become my clients, they often react with anger or defensiveness because they truly believe their behavior is normal. Well, it's not.

And so the best course of action for someone struggling with this level of codependence is to spend time alone, about six months with no relationships. By being alone, they can start to rediscover who they are without folding into someone else's identity again. And, you know, this solitude is crucial for them to regain their sense of self. And however, you know, that is incredibly difficult for most people in this situation, right? So as they often struggle to be alone, they can't be alone. And even those who are seemingly capable of healthy relationships often end up folding into their partner's identity, convincing themselves that the other person is always right. And then the pattern repeats itself. And when you try to point it out again, they often don't recognize it. It's a very frustrating cycle because if you try to help, they can become angry. And if you don't, they continue to be miserable, often turning to you, or in my case, to me, to vent their frustrations. But that's why with coaching, you know, it's, you pay to talk to me if you're, you know, a client. So, but I don't let people repeat their stories. I'm here to help people sort through and out of and into their truth.

So, My heart goes out to people caught in this cycle. It's a tough situation, and breaking free from it requires significant self-reflection and a willingness to embrace being alone long enough to rediscover who they really are. Now, as I mentioned, this is a short little blurb on not this week's interview that's going to be released, but an upcoming one. And he's an expert on codependency and I'm really looking forward to him sharing this and so much more on this amazing topic. So for now, I thank you for listening and I will talk to you again soon and have a wonderful, wonderful weekend. Lots of love and lots of soul hugs coming your way. Take care and we will talk soon. Bye-bye.