S3 Ep13 I Love You But...

The Holy F*ck Podcast

Codependent or Intimate?

Listen and Find out!

1:11 Katherine’s coach says she is doing really well. Katherine’s breakdown led to she and Mr Delicous … looking pretty “endy” … and relationship stuff… is Sprit pressing Katherine down the tube?

2:15: Awareness of not taking care of herself. Too open to the experience of being abandoned… Krista pushes Katherine to be specific…

2:57: something happens…and one of us (possibly Mr. Delicious) …heads for the hills and well the other…Katherine present and coping and stable and staying no matter what’s happening …

3:43: it’s been a year? Who is more evolved? Is it more loving to stay or go? and what is the story that keeps being repeated… “he just wasn’t that into you” I am just not sure that you are the right person for me…. Is it just a place to go to for Mr. Delicious … to avoidant land…? And then Katherine would just hold space love him …

6:06 Anxiously attached Katherine is having a wobbly experience …. Mr. Delicious, I love you and I am here… or I love you, but I am leaving… Katherine is left being a bit sacrificing… a consistent solid place is missing. She was holding loving within for him but what was happening to her?

8:30 Patterns interplaying … and Katherine gets to the end of her rope …

9:30 Krista has been thinking that Katherine has been maturing into a deeper quieter love… but in fact, Katherine’s light has been dimming after a year in this process. Her juiciness was getting dried up! Instead of feeling the joy intimacy and hot sexuality… everyone was missing it.

10:35: Protection: Does Katherine Need Something? Or is she needy (read “dependent”) …

How did this sneak up on her? Her Loving did not supplant her need for herself to be protected. As the teacher of “not sacrificing” Katherine finds herself on the downside of her needs… and how that leads to suffering… resentment… needs and still whole?

13:31 Katherine gets to have her needs. She needs to know her partner has her back He’s not going to wobble …

14:15: Dependency: unwilling to say what you need. NOT EXPRESSING NEEDS Makes you Dependent …

15:05: Katherine’s sudden realization: (from a nightmare): she realized that she was going to absolutely say “I NEED YOUR PROTECTION.” Krista points out that Katherine was at the “All bets are off” moment. Either Mr. Delicious was going to show up and provide, or she was going to find someone who was going to provide this need for her.

16:32: Katherine was Investing in something that was dissolving. It wasn’t providing for her.

The coming together – moving apart pattern was too threatening for her. Katherine’s trust was deteriorating … could she trust her man? Or herself? Everything starts to shut down…

17:40 Katherine WAKES UP literally at the point of no return… I have needs and I must get them met … Krista points out … her man needs to be needed but not your neediness… holding space or spiritual bypass. Trying to be nice but are we giving ourselves up?

19:00 as soon as Katherine says what is true, what she needs, he responds … jumps in and what else happens?

19:30 for Mr. Delicious: the story of “you are not the one” dissolves. He steps up and in as he sees he is desired! …. INTIMACY is created!

20:15: Dependency and intimacy? How do you tell the difference between the two? Authentic whole feeling … Dependency stickiness … Katherine gets authentic… so intimate… the Truth the deepest truth that we do not to admit makes us vulnerable …

21:26: Energy released back into the partnership. Heroes can lead to co-dependency, but this was authentic… pure intimacy... from codependency there is no trust. No one is really risking.

22:30: Mr. Delicious needs sex and connection … getting honest in the moment. without a plan will share. Right this minute I am feeling…

23:00 intimacy where your body opens you feel that connection emotional connection… authentic and clear... and we ask for the thing we need and what needs to be delivered.

24:00 Krista finds herself connecting emotionally and then feels a sense of her physical response… right here right now… stopped the co-dependent pattern as he was always on the brink of losing it. “He’s going to leave” keeps us from telling the truth.

26:00: For a while it was okay… Katherine could be honest and open and hold space with love. But at some point, she … the last time they went through the cycle Katherine could not open again.

27:44 Trust was finally broken when Katherine had not protected and cared for herself. It looks like the breakup is coming.

28:50 INSTANT healing and opening to Love for both can heal everything. Katherine and MR Delicious and in a partnership again... for the first time in a long time… long term relationship things begin to slide. how long to do stay? But is it really about time?

30:00: once we catch ourselves OUT OF INTEGRITY… not honest about who we are. “I see that I hate how this is BUT I HAVE BEEN LYING about that to myself” ~ Katherine When this happens and we take full responsibility for ourselves and DON’T BLAME HIM … that is where freedom is.

31:30: Start doing HONEST CONVERSATIONS Start with you: I need, I feel I need, something feels ... I feel scared ... I need to feel Protected... I need to feel cared for in this way...
This was the relationship breaker: partnership maker: moving forward? Or not? Own the pattern... but the investment in the intimacy is really the best thing ...
33:49 Relationship with myself. This is the last time. I will go forward but only once more.
Krista: can you fully get over it? Are you going to recreate the same thing?
35:03 Intimacy: I need to give him space for fun and what he needs... in the past be in live with being in love... so then he has to Run...
38:30: Mr. D gets to say : I need and get that need met... as Katherine and Mr. D sort out that co-dependency is going to show if she doesn’t keep her word to herself. Krista invites Katherine into the idea of “I am the One” ...
39:00 INNER CHILD WORK: I’m not the one... both Krista and Katherine both relate but Krista resists...
40:14: As his partner Katherine can support him by reminding him to do things that really fill him up!
40:45 Intimacy is leading them into a deeper sense of partnership. What will this next phase bring? ….

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