Decoding Forgiveness: 5 secrets to truly letting go with Benson Fox, Life Coach

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The Problem with Forgiveness

- Many people struggle with when to let go of resentments, anger and negativity.

- There needs to be a balance between enforcing boundaries and not accumulating negativity.

- Asking for forgiveness on Yom Kippur can be awkward as it may not match the severity of the wrong.

- The goal is to be healthy, enforce boundaries, but not let negativity fester and destroy relationships.

Secret #1: Forgiveness is the End of the Journey

- Forgiveness should come at the end of a healing process, not the beginning.

- The process involves: 1) Acknowledging the wrong, 2) Expressing genuine remorse, and 3) Committing to prevent it from happening again.

- After this, a period of appeasement follows to rebuild trust through loving actions.

- Only then, after significant time, should forgiveness be humbly requested as a gift, not something deserved.

Secret #2: Forgiveness Should Be Earned (But Never Deserved)

- Forgiveness is earned through the process of appeasement, but it is never truly deserved from the perspective of strict justice.

- A wrong can never be fully taken back, so forgiveness always remains an undeserved gift.

Secret #3: Forgiveness Only Makes Sense When Given Out of Love

- Love enables a person to transcend strict justice and grant undeserved forgiveness.

- Attempting to earn forgiveness makes it easier to forgive, but is not absolutely necessary if there is abundant love.

Secret #4: Don't Be a Doormat

- Forgiveness should happen after the hurt is over and the threat has passed. It requires trusting the wrong won't be repeated.

- One should not forgive severe offenses or patterns of negativity and abuse. Boundaries must be enforced in those cases.

- Forgiveness is not healthy or righteous when it enables bad behavior to continue. The person must take the process of reconciliation seriously.

Secret #5: Forgiveness Happens on a Spectrum

- Forgiveness of oneself requires first processing, respecting and integrating one's own hurt emotions. Let them in before letting them go.

- The three part process of acknowledgment, appeasement and forgiveness applies to healing one's relationship with parts of oneself.

- If reconciliation is engaged in properly, eventually forgiveness can enable restoring relationships with family to a place of love and connection.

Conclusion

- Forgiveness is what true healing looks like. It benefits both the forgiver and the forgiven.

- One must give time and space to process emotions before engaging in forgiveness.

Connect with Benson Fox: https://okclarity.com/directory/benson-fox/

Watch full episode here: https://okclarity.com/exclusive-content/benson-fox/decoding-forgiveness/

Xo

Fay & Co.

Host: Fay Brezel, LMHC

https://okclarity.com/directory/fay-brezel/

Featured Guest: Michali Friedman, LCSW

https://okclarity.com/directory/michali-friedman/

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