Welcome to DNA Surprises, a podcast that delves into the world of unexpected DNA discoveries. I'm your host, Alexis Hourselt. In July 2021, my life took a surprising turn when I found out l'm an NPE-a person who's experienced a non-paternal event. In other words, my biological father isn't who I thought he was. Join me as we explore the stories of NPEs, adoptees, and donor-conceived people and their families. Get ready to unravel the astonishing journeys that begin with a simple DNA test —th ...
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Liann's DNA Surprise | Pat's DNA Surprise - Updates
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Did you know that the DNA Surprises podcast community meets in a virtual support group every month? We started the Third Thursday Meetup in 2023 to serve as an additional resource for NPEs, late-discovery donor-conceived people, and late-discovery adoptees to find community and support. Third Thursdays have quickly become one of my favorite nights …
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Not every DNA surprise has a happy ending. And sometimes, what seems like a happy ending takes a turn. But the opposite is also true. In this week’s episode, Shannon shares how she learned the truth about her paternity and had to wait several years before she could identify her biological father. When she finally found him, he was receptive, before…
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Many people in the DNA surprise community grew up with dads, or birth certificate fathers, BCFs as they’re often called. We are raised by these men and then one day, through a DNA test or other means, we learn that they are not our biological fathers. But what if you never really felt like you had a dad? How does a DNA surprise affect you? In this …
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DNA Surprises bring up a range of emotions, and if there’s one thing I hope I’ve made clear on this show, all those emotions are valid. In this week’s episode, Joan shares why her DNA surprise was more of an interesting adventure than a dramatic event. Her story is one of optimism, curiosity, and patience - it took her a decade to solve her mystery…
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Welcome to the 100th episode of DNA surprises! OK, technically I’ve had more than 100 episodes already, but this is the 100th DNA Surprise story I’ve had the privilege of sharing with you all. So, in celebration of 100 episodes, I thought we’d take it allll the way back to the beginning. In this week’s episode, I’m joined once again by Yvette, my v…
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It’s your story. You have the right to tell it. This is something we hear a lot in the DNA surprise community - I say it a lot myself. In this week’s episode, Ruby shares a unique perspective on this philosophy. Ruby took her DNA test expecting to learn more about her Mexican heritage, and instead uncovers a half-sibling and learns her biological f…
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What would you do if you found out that your biological father wasn’t the man who raised you, but someone you’d known in the periphery of much of your life? Someone who’d photographed weddings, even done your taxes? In this episode, Beth shares her journey after discovering her biological father was a long-time colleague of her mother. Beth talks a…
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What never fails to surprise me is how innocently DNA surprises begin. In this episode, we hear from Doe - yes, that’s a pseudonym - who uncovered her DNA surprise in 2021. A skillful genealogist, Doe bought a DNA test for her husband, who was curious about his family history. As it just so happened, she purchased the test during a buy one, get one…
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Welcome to the Season 8 finale of DNA Surprises. In this episode, I’m joined by Deanna, who shares her NPE story. Deanna has experienced unspeakable amounts of hardship in her life, from abandonment to abuse to her DNA discovery. Her story is difficult - and powerful. You’ll hear how she’s still reckoning with the what-might-have-beens and the whys…
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Every DNA Surprise is unique—the who, what, when, and why surrounding an NPE vary from person to person. Still, after nearly 100 interviews, I’ve noticed consistent themes in these stories. One of those themes is a complicated mother-child relationship. When Jennifer took her DNA test, she had no idea that her family tree would change forever. As i…
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DNA Surprises are confusing. They’re confusing for the people they happen to as they try to make sense of newfound information. With so many characters, twists, and turns in each story, they’re also confusing for people listening to DNA Surprises stories. This week’s DNA surprise story is no exception. In fact, it features a triple-NPE. So before w…
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To paraphrase The Beatles, we get by with a little help from our friends. This is especially true when it comes to DNA Surprises. In this week’s episode, coworkers Robyn and Ida share their NPE discoveries, which happened right around the same time. In fact, Robyn used her genealogy skills to identify Ida’s father. They each reflect on their person…
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DNA surprises rarely happen in a vacuum. So many of the people I speak to have experienced other traumas throughout their lives, long before sending off DNA tests. In this week’s episode, Courtney shares how her mother’s mental health struggles played a large part in her childhood. She knew she was adopted by her stepfather when she was young and g…
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Bonus Episode | Generational Healing - A Conversation About Generational Trauma with Therapist Iliamari Vazquez Houston
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In this bonus episode of DNA Surprises, I chat with Iliamari Vazquez Houston, a therapist based out of the Phoenix metro area. Iliamari will facilitate a session on generational trauma - and generational healing - at the DNA Surprise Retreat, September 19-22, 2024 in Phoenix, AZ. We discuss what generational trauma is and how we can begin to break …
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Sometimes, after DNA surprises are revealed, our relationships with our raised parents become strained. Sometimes, this leads to estrangement. But for others, these surprises simply compound already strained relationships. When Dawn had her DNA surprise, she was already virtually no contact with her mother. In this week’s episode, she shares why sh…
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Bonus Episode | Just Breathe - An Introduction to Breathwork with Jenna Hedstrom
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In this bonus episode of DNA Surprises, I chat with Jenna Hedstrom, E-RYT 500 and Expert Breathwork Facilitator. Jenna will lead a breathwork session at the DNA Surprise Retreat, September 19-22, 2024 in Phoenix, AZ. During our conversation, we discuss what breathwork is and how it benefits us. We also chat about how to overcome blockers around pra…
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(CW: Suicide, abuse) A common question in our community is “when is the right time to tell the truth about parentage?” While some say there is never a good time to tell, many believe that the truth should be shared from birth. In this week’s episode, Miranda’s story highlights the importance of telling early - and often. Miranda’s mother never hid …
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Bonus Episode | Trauma-Informed Yoga with Lanita Ugstad
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During this bonus episode of DNA Surprises, I interview advanced yoga teacher Lanita Ugstad. Lanita will facilitate a gentle movement session at the DNA Surprise Retreat, September 19-22, 2024 in Phoenix, AZ. We discuss how yoga is beneficial for people who have experienced trauma, and what it means to facilitate a session through a trauma lens. La…
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Did you grow up feeling different from your family? That feeling of being inexplicably out of place haunts many people in the DNA surprise community throughout childhood and adulthood - before they uncover the truth. In this week’s episode, Sarah shares how while she always felt different from her family - she was more sensitive and had a different…
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Bonus Episode | Processing Betrayal Trauma with Therapist Venessa De La Cruz
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In this bonus episode of DNA Surprises, I speak with therapist Venessa De La Cruz about betrayal trauma. Venessa will facilitate a session on Betrayal Trauma at the DNA Surprise Retreat, September 19-22 in Phoenix, AZ. She defines what betrayal trauma is and how things like DNA surprises can manifest for us both physically and mentally. We also div…
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So many DNA surprises start with a gift. Mothers Day. Fathers Day. Prime Day. Christmas. Almost every month, consumer DNA testing companies offer deals encouraging people to give a DNA test as a present. If you’re listening to this podcast, you know how this sometimes turns out. In this week's episode, Shannon shares how after receiving a DNA test …
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Bonus Episode | Inner Child, Inner Healing - An Intro to Parts Work with Therapist Megan Irwin
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This special episode of DNA Surprises features Megan Irwin, a licensed therapist specializing in grief, loss, trauma, and PTSD. Megan will facilitate a session on parts work at the 2024 DNA Surprise Retreat, September 19-22 in Phoenix, AZ. During our discussion, we covered what parts work is (and isn’t) and why people typically think of it in terms…
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Race. Ethnicity. Heritage. These are complex topics without the added nuance of a DNA surprise. Author Janeen Jackson grew up with two younger brothers and her parents in an African American household. In this week’s episode, she shares how, through a DNA test, she not only learned that she is adopted, but that her biological father is a white man.…
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If there is one thing I hope we can all agree on, it’s that families come in all shapes and sizes. Many people with DNA surprises end up with two, three, or more fathers and just as many mothers, too. When Steve experienced his DNA surprise, he already had two men in his life that he called “Dad.” After he learned the truth about who his biological…
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Most of the time, when I speak to people on the podcast, we learn that the reason they took the test was out of curiosity or for fun. Maybe they were given the DNA test as a gift from a friend or significant other. So imagine my surprise when I learned that this week’s guest was given her Ancestry DNA kit by her mother. Welcome to Season 8 of DNA S…
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Dana Schmalenberg's DNA Surprise
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There is never a good time to discover that the man you’ve called “Dad” for your entire life isn’t biologically related to you, but I imagine that having this realization as he lays in a hospital bed, dying, must be among the worst. In the season 7 finale of DNA Surprises, Dana Schmalenberg shares how she uncovered the truth that both of her parent…
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Angela, Wyatt, Cassidy, and Cody’s DNA Surprise
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How do you define family? For so many of us, DNA surprises have made us reflect deeply on this question. For Wyatt, Cassidy, Cody, and Angela, the answer is different depending on who you ask.Twenty-plus years ago when Wyatt, Cassidy, and Cody were born, fertility clinics didn’t advocate for disclosure. So when their mother and father asked Angela,…
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Many of us who have had DNA surprises spend some time wondering “What if?” What if we’d been raised in a different house, with our newly discovered biological parent? What if we’d known the truth from the beginning? What would our lives look like now? Would they be better? Or…would they be worse? In this week’s episode, Lisa shares how she uncovere…
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Picture this: you grow up with a sibling who is convinced they are not your dad’s biological child. No one knows about DNA surprises or NPEs or anything like that, but they just know their dad isn't THEIR dad. Years later, after commercial DNA testing becomes commonplace, you offer them some peace of mind. All of your siblings take a test to prove,…
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Secrets. Secrets are often at the beginning of a DNA surprise. But after the surprise is uncovered, is that the end of them? In this week’s episode, Ryan shares how on one fateful Thanksgiving, his mother confessed the truth about his paternity. When he spoke to his birth certificate father and his biological father, they both requested that he con…
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Something that I’ve heard more than once on this podcast is a situation that goes something like this: people are having an argument. A mother and child. A husband and wife. Both parents with their child, or some other combination. And then, in the heat of the moment, someone reveals the truth. So and so isn’t your real dad anyway. And then, just a…
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Tina grew up believing that her biological father didn’t want to be part of her life. Imagine her shock when, after taking a DNA test, she found out that her biological father is someone else altogether. In this week’s episode, Tina shares how she found her biological father and then quickly lost him. She also reveals her family history of NPEs, in…
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The thing about DNA Surprises is that they can happen to anyone. It doesn’t matter your race, socioeconomic status, politics, or background. In this week’s episode, my guest, author Robin Schepper, shares her DNA surprise story. For more than thirty years, Robin served at the highest levels of American politics and government. including on four pre…
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Imagine being 16 and witnessing your parents’ divorce. Imagine finding out at this time that the man who raised you is not your biological father. After finding your biological father and failing to connect, you go through the next three decades just living your life. You have a child. You get married. You get divorced. And then you take a DNA test…
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Sometimes, DNA surprises happen more than once. NPEs, adoptees, and donor-conceived people might have their worlds shaken, only to have it happen again months, years, or even decades later. In this week’s episode, Daughter Dee shares her late discovery adoptee experience, which was followed decades later by an NPE. She shares how she learned that s…
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Erika's incredible DNA surprise journey starts with a mind-altering awakening. Erika always felt an underlying sense of 'otherness' in her family. After an experience with psilocybin, or “magic mushrooms,” she realized that there was a big lie in her life. Thanks to a DNA test and a potent dose of self-awareness, a truth emerges that casts her enti…
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Welcome to Season 7 of DNA Surprises. In the first episode of the season, Jenniffer shares how she unraveled her mother's deep secrets via DNA testing. Jenniffer talks about growing up in a Venezuelan family, fostered at times by her paternal grandparents, only to discover later in life that she shares no DNA with them. In addition, she learned tha…
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Welcome to the season 6 finale of DNA Surprises. In this week’s episode, Jamie bravely shares her DNA surprise journey, which began 5 years ago with a 23&Me test. Jamie’s story encapsulates many parts of the DNA surprise stories we hear. She shares how her NPE came as a complete surprise. Her story includes an ethnic shift, from Italian to Portugue…
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In this week's episode, we delve into Barbara's DNA surprise story. Barbara grew up with a strong connection to her German heritage before discovering, in her fifties, that she was donor-conceived and of Jewish descent. She discusses the challenges she faced, the shock and sense of displacement she felt after the discovery, and the impact it had on…
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In this week’s episode, Lawrence shares his surprise at learning that he is a late discovery adoptee. After he took a DNA test, Lawrence discovered that the mom who raised him is not his biological mother. He describes his search for his biological family, as well as the truth about his birth story, and how his newfound relationships are blossoming…
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Bonus Episode | Announcing the 2024 DNA Surprise Retreat!
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Have you been wondering when and where the 2024 DNA Surprise Retreat will be held? In this bonus episode, Debbie and I share all of the details about next year's DNA Surprise Retreat. We also chat about what we loved about 2023's retreat and what we look forward to next year. Registration for the retreat opens November 15, 2023. Visit www.dnasurpri…
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One of the most healing things that we can do during our DNA surprise journeys is to write about them. In this week's episode, I'm joined by author Michelle Tullier. Michelle talks about her journey of finding out the truth, her initial reaction to her discovery, and how she has processed the emotions and navigated her new relationships. She also d…
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Not many of us experience our DNA surprises on television, but this week’s guest did exactly that. Patrice is a foundling adoptee, adopted at just a few months old after being abandoned in a garbage bin. She always knew she was adopted, but as an adult, she decided she wanted to look for her biological family. The TLC show Long Lost Family shows he…
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Bonus Episode: An update from Michael Paul
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Welcome to a bonus episode of DNA Surprises. Michael Paul first joined me in Season 2, shortly after his discovery. In this bonus episode, Michael shares an update on what's happened in his life since we last spoke. He shares his journey of discovering the importance of self-care and setting boundaries after a DNA surprise. He also discusses his ev…
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If you’re familiar with other DNA surprise podcasts, this week’s guest needs no introduction. And if you aren’t allow me to introduce you to Lily Wood, host of NPE Stories. Lily started NPE Stories after experiencing her own NPE in 2019. She is a strong presence in our community, a bonafide truth-teller, and I call her one of the OGs in this space.…
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Something we unfortunately hear too often in our community is that NPEs were treated differently as children. In this week’s story, Nina shares how her DNA surprise explained why her mother treated her poorly her entire life. She also discusses how her newfound connections are going and how she is working to accept that she may never find answers. …
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This week’s DNA surprise story is told from a side we haven’t heard from yet - a found father. When Gerard received an email from a man claiming to be his son, he wasn’t sure what to think. He soon discovered that unbeknownst to him, he was the father of a 30-something-year-old man who had been adopted as an infant. Gerard shares how he pieced toge…
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What is more shocking than one NPE discovery? Two NPE discoveries. In this week’s episode, Pam shares how she spent 20 years believing that her biological father wasn’t her “dad," but another man with whom she had a strained relationship. Imagine her surprise when, after the invention of commercial DNA tests, she uncovered another truth - that her …
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When Michelle took her DNA test, she wasn’t looking for her own biological father. In fact, she hoped to answer some questions about her mother’s NPE. You can imagine her shock when she discovered that her mother wasn’t the only NPE - Michelle was too. She also learned that her biological father is a man she fondly remembered from her childhood. Mi…
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DNA tests. NPE. Donor conception. Politics. In this week’s episode of DNA Surprises, I’m joined by Eric, who learned that he was donor-conceived after taking a 23andMe test. He shares why he decided to take the test, why he waited three years before doing anything with his surprising results, and how his discovery impacted his relationship with his…
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