TLP415: Saying “NO” Reduces Friction

The Leadership Podcast

In this episode, Jim and Jan explore the importance of saying "no" in the workplace. They highlight how setting clear boundaries and aligning decisions with both personal and organizational values can help leaders manage their time and workload more effectively. Empowering lower-level employees to say "no" can also reduce friction and enhance organizational efficiency. Additionally, they discuss how balancing commitments and making mindful choices contributes to improved focus, productivity, and long-term success.

https://bit.ly/TLP-415

Key Takeaways

[01:28] Jim talked about his company name, Rafti Advisors, which connects to his Greek heritage. Rafti is a town in Greece where his father was born and had to leave due to war. Jan added that he grew up in a small village in Ireland and he and Jim made mistakes when they were young. They agreed these experiences helped them grow. They emphasized the importance of giving grace to people making mistakes today, especially since cameras are everywhere now. Mistakes have consequences, but they help people learn and improve.

[03:38] Jim and Jan discuss the impact of hearing "no" and how it influences personal and professional experiences. Jim highlights the emotional weight of "no" and how it can vary based on context, such as a child asking for permission versus avoiding obligations. Jan adds that hearing "no" plays differently in personal decisions and organizational settings. In companies, there can be friction between front-line and support staff due to different priorities, with support staff often focused on risk avoidance. This can lead to frequent use of "no." Both agree that "no" can have a strong influence on decision-making in many areas of life and work.

[06:15] Jim and Jan discuss the importance of saying "no" in organizations to manage resources and maintain focus. Jim emphasizes that leaders need to decide when to say "no" to prevent lower-level employees from becoming a "no department." Jan shares insights from executive coaching, highlighting the need to influence decisions and find ways to navigate challenges. Both agree that knowing when and what to say "yes" helps clarify when to say "no." They reference baseball player Ted Williams' advice on focusing on pitches you can hit, illustrating the importance of clear decision-making.

[10:33] Jim and Jan talk about setting boundaries and managing time at work. Jim mentions a Wall Street Journal article about saying no by setting limits and using outside commitments as excuses. He shares a story about someone working too much and missing time with family. Jan adds that excessive meetings and admin tasks make it difficult to manage time. They agree that poor meeting management and unclear agendas waste time. They also note that changes in the job market have shifted power to employees, leading to new workplace dynamics.

[18:06] Jim visits an old workplace and sees most of it demolished. Reflecting on the past, he emphasizes the importance of relationships and leaders helping people find purpose and grow. This focus on relationships is key for good leadership. Jan agrees, noting that leaders must advocate for their team and say "no" when necessary. Being a good leader isn't just about being nice; it's also about setting boundaries and supporting the team's needs for growth and development.

[22:01] Jim and Jan discuss how it's important to tell people "not yet" instead of just saying "no" if the timing isn't right. They suggest providing context and explaining when an idea might be possible in the future. Jan shares how he manages networking requests by declining politely due to his busy schedule. He explains his need to focus on current commitments and projects and wonders how others perceive this approach.

[24:15] Jim and Jan discuss how receiving a polite decline, such as someone being too busy, shows the person is organized and knows their priorities. They agree this approach is respectable, even if some might see it as distant. Jan says being able to say "no" is about knowing what you value and prioritizing tasks. Saying "yes" to the right things and "no" to others helps manage time. Jim adds that prioritizing tasks doesn't mean other things are unimportant; it just means focusing on what is most urgent.

[24:15] Jim and Jan emphasize the importance of making decisions at the right time, comparing it to picking ripe fruit. They stress the need to align with others and consider the best timing. They reference Dan Pink's book on timing and mention people have more control over their time and responses than they might think. They thank their sponsor, Darley, for its support. They stress the importance of knowing your values and where to focus your time for effective priority management. Careers consist of many short chapters that require adaptability.

[28:30] Jim and Jan discuss the importance of saying "no" to stay focused and productive. Jim explains that saying "no" doesn't mean missing out but helps prioritize tasks and control time. He shares a story about two authors at a billionaire's party, highlighting the value of knowing what is "enough" in life. Jan agrees and stresses the importance of knowing what you truly value to make decisions about when to say "yes" or "no." They acknowledge the challenge of wanting to say "yes" but note that understanding your priorities can help navigate these situations. They reference authors Kurt Vonnegut and Joseph Heller, discussing the importance of seeing the world differently. Overall, they agree that the topic of saying "no" is ongoing and relevant to everyone.

[32:40] And remember, our life is the sum total of all the decisions we make every day, and those decisions are determined by our priorities. -Myles Munroe

Quotable Quotes

"All those mistakes and dumb things we did when we were younger got us to where we are today."

"We need to provide grace and patience to those who are currently being 'knuckleheads' as we were once there ourselves."

"It's harder for people to do stupid things now because there's a camera everywhere. Grace and understanding are more important than ever."

"No can be a powerful and emotional word, understood by everyone."

"Making decisions with a pros-and-cons matrix can be limiting. Instead, consider your core values and priorities."

"Leaders face decisions with moral, ethical, and legal implications. These aren't black-and-white choices but shades of gray."

"Support staff often play a crucial role in mitigating risk and may seem like they're always saying 'no' because they’re focused on avoiding mistakes."

"Setting boundaries is essential for managing your time and energy effectively."

"You don't have to say yes to everything; learn to prioritize what truly matters."

"Meetings should have a clear purpose and agenda; otherwise, they're just a waste of time."

"Empowering people means giving them the freedom to make decisions without excessive buy-in."

"A great leader helps people find purpose and meaning in their work."

"The best way to grow an organization is by growing and developing people."

"A good boss advocates for their team and provides them with the resources they need."

"Saying no is a powerful tool for maintaining focus and protecting your time."

"Sometimes we need to say 'not yet' instead of 'no' for good ideas for better timing."

"Time is the most precious thing; where you spend it matters."

"Knowing your values helps you say yes to the right things and no to the wrong things."

"Saying no can lead to being more productive and achieving more."

"When you know what you value, you can prioritize your time effectively."

"The power of no comes from understanding your goals and being able to say no when necessary."

"Knowing what you value can lead to a healthier work-life balance and increased productivity."

Resources Mentioned

• The Leadership Podcast | theleadershippodcast.com

• Sponsored by | www.darley.com

• Rafti Advisors. LLC | www.raftiadvisors.com

• Self-Reliant Leadership. LLC | selfreliantleadership.com