Beyond Betrayal: The 6-Step Pathway to Forgiveness & Freedom

The Good Mood Show with Matt O'Neill

We've all felt betrayed before, and it hurts. When it happens, it hurts. We feel a mix of emotions, like anger, sadness, distrust, and even shame. But we don’t want to stay feeling this way. There is a way to move beyond betrayal and find your happiness again.

In this episode, Matt teaches his 6-step pathway to move beyond betrayal and move to forgiveness. You will need this lesson at some point, and it’s a great idea to be ready with the answers before you need them.

Here are some power takeaways from today’s conversation:

• Why anger, sadness, and disappointment are secondary emotions

• The six steps for moving past betrayal

• Chris Singleton’s inspiring story of forgiveness

[01:09] Why Anger is Only a Secondary Emotion

Matt says anger is always a secondary emotion that comes in to protect our primary, underlying emotion. When we feel betrayed or hurt, the initial root emotion we feel is vulnerability, sadness, or disappointment. Anger seeks to defend our vulnerability and make us feel stronger in the face of pain. Other secondary emotions include sadness, distrust, and insecurity.

However, Matt emphasizes addressing the primary emotion underneath anger, rather than getting caught in a cycle of justifying our angry words and actions. Staying present with feelings of hurt or sadness with compassion is healthier than reacting angrily in the long run.

[04:57] The 6-Step Process for Moving Past Hurt Feelings Through Forgiveness

1. Don't "box yourself in" by acting in anger through words or actions.

2. Use the techniques in Byron Katie's "The Work" to question thoughts and see different perspectives.

3. Be honest about how you genuinely feel while avoiding manipulation.

4. Pray sincerely for forgiveness, compassion, and new understanding.

5. Be open to symbols that may come through prayer as guidance.

6. Choose forgiveness by letting go of resentment and recognizing others owe you nothing.

[33:03] A Gift of Forgiveness: Chris Singleton's Inspirational Story

Chris Singleton's story is one of the most powerful examples of forgiveness. After losing his mother in a tragic hate crime shooting at the Charleston church, Chris showed extraordinary compassion by facing her murderer in court. Instead of words of anger or vengeance, Chris offered the gift of forgiveness. When asked how he did it, Chris said he didn’t, but God did.

Notable quotes:

[11:33] Somebody might have cut us once, but we cut ourselves a thousand times every time we think about how hurt we are and how sad we are. [11:40]

[11:23] Who you are today is someone who is powerful and strong. That hurt is now in the past – and the only time we're hurting ourselves is (over and over and over again) in our minds. [11:32]

[15:38] Anger and happiness cannot exist at the same time. [15:39]

Resources Mentioned:

Interview with Chris Singleton

The Work - Byron Katie

Loving What Is by Byron Katie

Leadership and Self-Deception by Arbinger Institute

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