36. Betrayal Trauma Exposed: Rewriting the Narrative of Cheating

The Divorce Chapter

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Hey there gorgeous listener,

This week, I'm super excited to kick off the new divorce book club with Tracy Schorn's "Leave a Cheater Gain a Life" book. It's a fantastic opportunity to dive into meaningful discussions about navigating all things divorce. If you're not part of the club yet, hop on over to patreon.com/thedivorcebookclub

Don't worry if you're just joining; there's still time to catch up!

Now, let's dive into the heart of this week's episode, inspired by the themes in the book. I want to talk about betrayal trauma and the devastating impact of infidelity. Let's be real—it's a complete mindfuck and can have a profound effect on those of us who've experienced it.

But here's what baffles me: why is cheating so often minimised and normalised in our society? It seems like everyone just shrugs it off with a "get over it" mentality. Dating sites like Ashley Madison and Illicit Encounters actively promote affairs, blurring the lines of fidelity.

Statistics reveal that a staggering 1 in 5 people admit to having an affair, with even more engaging in emotional infidelity. But let's be clear: cheating is a violation of trust and boundaries. It's abuse, plain and simple.

Take, for example, the recent scandal involving a prominent footballer. Despite betraying his wife repeatedly, public responses trivialised his actions, suggesting that fidelity is a non-issue and that she ‘deserves’ it. I can’t even tell you how PISSED I get with this shit 😡

Betrayal trauma stems from the violation of attachment and trust, leaving us in a state of shock and distress. Maslow's hierarchy of needs provides a framework for understanding the impact—when our sense of security is shattered, it's like the rug has been pulled out from under us.

Recovery from betrayal trauma is a journey, starting with meeting our basic physiological needs and restoring psychological safety. It's about finding support, rebuilding self-esteem, and reclaiming our sense of belonging.

Ultimately, infidelity is not our fault. We deserve better than to be treated with such disrespect. While healing from betrayal trauma takes time, it's essential to recognise our worth and pursue growth.

So, if you're struggling, know that you're not alone. Reach out for support, and let's reclaim our lives together. We deserve nothing less than our best selves 👑

Thanks for tuning in, and until next time, sending you all my love 🌸

Sarah x

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فصول

1. The Divorce Book Club's first book (00:00:00)

2. Society's fucked up view on infidelity (00:02:00)

3. Appalling media and public portrayal (00:05:52)

4. Betrayal Trauma (00:08:48)

5. Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (00:11:16)

6. Shitty people do shitty things (00:15:27)

7. Post Traumatic Growth starting with physiological needs (00:17:58)

8. Psychological Safety (00:20:26)

9. Love and belonging to self esteem (or the other way round) (00:22:40)

10. Being our best goddamn selves (00:24:15)

11. Come on to the podcast! (00:28:00)