EP 239: When Your Words and Feelings Don’t Match

The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Have you ever smiled while you were seething inside? Or told your child “it’s fine” when it absolutely wasn’t? That mismatch (incongruent affect, we’re gonna talk psychology mumbo jumbo) isn’t just confusing. It’s a cue of danger- to your child’s nervous system AND to yours!

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why kids are biologically wired to trust their caregivers and what happens when their neuroception contradicts the words they hear.
• How “faking calm” backfires, and why matching energy without dysregulation is a more effective way to bring safety.
• How growing your window of tolerance and strengthening your owl brain helps you stay regulated while feeling big, hard feelings.

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/incongruentaffect

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