What to expect from your Cluster B....

My Inner Torch

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Exile

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Episode 10: From Refugee to Radical 44:09

منذ 2 years44:09

التشغيل لاحقا

قوائم

إعجاب

احب

44:09

When a young Eva Kollisch arrives as a refugee in New York in 1940, she finds a community among socialists who share her values and idealism. She soon discovers ‘the cause’ isn’t as idyllic as it seems. Little does she know this is the beginning of a lifelong commitment to activism and her determination to create radical change in ways that include belonging, love and one's full self. In addition to Eva Kollisch’s memoirs Girl in Movement (2000) and The Ground Under My Feet (2014), LBI’s collections include an oral history interview with Eva conducted in 2014 and the papers of Eva’s mother, poet Margarete Kolllisch, which document Eva’s childhood experience on the Kindertransport. Learn more at www.lbi.org/kollisch . Exile is a production of the Leo Baeck Institute , New York | Berlin and Antica Productions . It’s narrated by Mandy Patinkin. Executive Producers include Katrina Onstad, Stuart Coxe, and Bernie Blum. Senior Producer is Debbie Pacheco. Associate Producers are Hailey Choi and Emily Morantz. Research and translation by Isabella Kempf. Sound design and audio mix by Philip Wilson, with help from Cameron McIver. Theme music by Oliver Wickham. Voice acting by Natalia Bushnik. Special thanks to the Kollisch family for the use of Eva’s two memoirs, “Girl in Movement” and “The Ground Under My Feet”, the Sophia Smith Collection at Smith College and their “Voices of Feminism Oral History Project”, and Soundtrack New York.…

منذ عام واحد 12:34

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In my journey through relationships, I’ve found myself navigating the complexities and emotional turmoil that come with being involved with covert narcissists or individuals exhibiting borderline personality traits. It’s a painful experience that often leaves me confused, full of self-blame, and questioning my worth. I’ve endured extreme psychological abuse, marked by manipulation, control, and unresolved conflicts that have made it difficult to find my footing.
Reflecting on my experience with a wife who clings to past grievances, I can see how it created a chaotic dynamic filled with blame-shifting. This has led to a great deal of emotional pain, a sense of isolation, and the feeling of being trapped. Each time I attempted to step away from the relationship, the abuse intensified, making it even harder to break free.
What stands out to me is the deceptive nature of narcissists. They often project a caring facade, hiding their true selves beneath a mask that draws in codependent partners like me, who cling to the hope of rekindling an idealized version of the relationship.
I’ve learned the importance of recognizing my inherent goodness through all this. It’s comforting to know that healing and moving forward are possible, even in the face of the shame and confusion from being deceived. I remind myself that I am worthy of love and I can find a path to brighter days ahead.
Peace be with you!

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#Podcasting Education #Self-Improvement #D Stevens

What to expect from your Cluster B....

My Inner Torch

26 subscribers

published منذ عام واحد

MP3•منزل الحلقة

Send us a text

Support the show

230 حلقات

#Podcasting Education #Self-Improvement #D Stevens

كل الحلقات

1
Stop feeding the monster! 13:16

منذ 6 أيام13:16

13:16

Send us a text I’ve learned through painful personal experience how challenging it can be to maintain a relationship with someone who exhibits Cluster B personality traits. My journey has been filled with emotional turmoil, constantly investing love and energy into a connection that never truly reciprocated genuine affection. I found myself trapped in a cycle of hope and disappointment, particularly with a partner I now recognize as a histrionic covert narcissist. My experiences have taught me the critical importance of changing my perspective. I’ve come to understand that reducing my emotional investment is not a failure, but a necessary act of self-preservation. These individuals, like my wife, consistently evade accountability and excel at emotional manipulation. They create a confusing landscape where love seems just out of reach, always promising connection but never truly delivering. I’ve realized that non-Cluster B individuals like myself possess qualities these partners fundamentally lack - genuine empathy, self-awareness, and the ability to acknowledge harmful behaviors. Where I sought understanding and growth, my partner only sought control and validation. The most profound lesson I’ve learned is to focus on my healing and well-being. I no longer seek validation through attempting to make an emotionally unavailable person happy. Instead, I redirect my energy toward understanding myself, recognizing that being in an abusive relationship was never my fault. My journey has been about reclaiming my emotional autonomy, understanding the intricate dynamics of these relationships, and ultimately choosing myself over a destructive connection. I share my story not from a place of bitterness but from a place of compassionate self-discovery and hope for others navigating similar experiences. Support the show…

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How much?$?$?$? 13:08

منذ 13 يومًا13:08

13:08

Send us a text Relationships with individuals who have Cluster B traits feel like hitting the jackpot initially. When I first met my wife, the love bombing stage was intoxicating - it was as if I’d won an emotional lottery. The intense affection and attention made me feel special, chosen, and completely swept off my feet. But just like a rigged casino game, the odds were always stacked against me. What started as passionate devotion quickly morphed into constant criticism and emotional manipulation. I found myself increasingly invested, desperately trying to recapture that initial magical connection. It was like chasing a gambling high, knowing deep down that I was setting myself up for the inevitable loss. I began questioning the authenticity of their love, wondering if I was merely a pawn in a complex emotional game. The tragic story of Gabby Petito and Brian Laundrie haunted me, serving as a stark reminder of how dangerous emotional dependency can become. I realized I was trapped in a cycle of hoping, believing I could somehow change or fix the relationship, despite clear evidence that would not come to be. Recognizing narcissistic behaviors isn’t easy. The emotional turmoil is overwhelming, and the pain of admitting that love might be unreciprocated feels almost unbearable. But I’ve learned that trying to change someone who is unwilling to change is futile. My energy is better spent understanding myself, breaking these toxic patterns, and valuing my own worth. This journey has been about self-discovery and understanding that true love doesn’t come with constant doubt, fear, or the need to prove my value. I deserve genuine connection, respect, and reciprocal love. Support the show…

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Your Cluster B Valentine 13:10

منذ 20 يومًا13:10

13:10

Send us a text It's Valentine's Day. In reflecting on my own experiences, I often find myself grappling with the emotional challenges of being in a relationship with someone who exhibits Cluster B personality traits, especially during moments that should be filled with love, like Valentine’s Day. I can recall times when I poured my heart into expressing my love, only to be met with indifference. As I look back, particularly on my marriage, I recognize that partners with these toxic traits can struggle to show genuine empathy and care. I’ve come to understand that while labels like “narcissist” or “borderline” may describe certain behaviors, they pale in comparison to the emotional toll these relationships can take. What matters most is recognizing how damaging these dynamics can be. Through my journey, I’ve learned the importance of self-love and self-acceptance. It’s essential for me to prioritize my worth and to steer clear of relationships that take advantage of my vulnerability. By nurturing my sense of self-love, I believe I can attract healthier connections and protect myself from the emotional fallout of toxic relationships. It’s a continuous journey, but I am committed to embracing my worth and cultivating the love I deserve. We deserve better, we just need to acknowledge that. Support the show…

1
The Cluster B Con 13:23

منذ 27 يومًا13:23

13:23

Send us a text In today's podcast, I delve into the emotional challenges I’ve faced in relationships with partners who exhibit Cluster B personality disorders, such as borderline personality disorder, narcissism, and psychopathy. I know firsthand how easy it is to stay in these unhealthy dynamics, fueled by the hope that things might change through our own efforts, even when we recognize how detrimental they truly are. Drawing from my 24-year journey, I’ve come to realize that despite significant investment, positive change often remains elusive, leaving us caught in a painful cycle of confusion and hurt. I reflect on the complexities of recognizing when a relationship is no longer serving me. I understand how challenging it can be to take external advice to leave, especially when personal circumstances make it feel impossible. I’ve experienced neglect and emotional apathy rather than outright physical abuse, which makes it crucial to evaluate how we are treated and to question whether genuine love can coexist with negative behaviors. I’ve been caught in cycles of love bombing and dramatic ups and downs, and I’ve ultimately learned that true care cannot thrive alongside poor treatment. Looking back, I feel a deep sense of regret for not recognizing these harmful patterns sooner. It’s incredibly difficult to differentiate between love and manipulation when you’re deeply invested. My experiences have taught me that true love should never involve abuse. I want to share these insights with others like you, who may find themselves in similar situations. I encourage you to value your self-worth, make healthier choices, and understand that love should not come with pain or mistreatment. It’s so important to believe in ourselves and to be aware of the dynamics at play in our relationships. Be at peace! Support the show…

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Your Cluster B Loves you...or do they? 12:45

منذ 5 weeks12:45

12:45

Send us a text In today's podcast, I share insights from my four years of discussing relationships with individuals who exhibit Cluster B personality traits, such as borderline, narcissistic, and psychopathic behaviors. I’ve realized that true love requires emotional intimacy and vulnerability—qualities that these personalities often struggle to provide. Instead, I’ve seen how they can use personal information as weapons, which has been quite painful. Reflecting on my own experiences, I found myself in a relationship with someone I suspect is a histrionic covert narcissist. This journey has highlighted the significant challenges of vulnerability and accountability in such dynamics. I describe Cluster B individuals as malicious, egotistical, and manipulative, often driven by a need for narcissistic supply rather than any genuine affection. I’ve often grappled with the futility of showing love to these individuals. It seems they are primarily seeking validation and can easily manipulate their partners. Breaking trauma bonds has been a struggle for me, and I know the emotional toll of remaining in relationships filled with false hope all too well. I can relate to the despair of “waiting to die,” longing for a change that feels increasingly unlikely. Throughout my journey, I’ve understood the dangers of romanticizing these relationships and holding onto positive memories, which are often just illusions crafted by their behavior. Ultimately, I emphasize the importance of accepting the reality that Cluster B personalities are unlikely to change. Acknowledging this truth can be emotionally challenging, but it’s a vital step in the healing process. I encourage anyone listening to recognize the illusory nature of such relationships and the absence of genuine love and intimacy. If you’re looking for more support in your healing journey, I invite you to explore past episodes for additional insights and encouragement. Remember, you are not alone in this. Support the show…

1
What to expect from your Cluster B.... 12:34

منذ 6 weeks12:34

12:34

Send us a text In my journey through relationships, I’ve found myself navigating the complexities and emotional turmoil that come with being involved with covert narcissists or individuals exhibiting borderline personality traits. It’s a painful experience that often leaves me confused, full of self-blame, and questioning my worth. I’ve endured extreme psychological abuse, marked by manipulation, control, and unresolved conflicts that have made it difficult to find my footing. Reflecting on my experience with a wife who clings to past grievances, I can see how it created a chaotic dynamic filled with blame-shifting. This has led to a great deal of emotional pain, a sense of isolation, and the feeling of being trapped. Each time I attempted to step away from the relationship, the abuse intensified, making it even harder to break free. What stands out to me is the deceptive nature of narcissists. They often project a caring facade, hiding their true selves beneath a mask that draws in codependent partners like me, who cling to the hope of rekindling an idealized version of the relationship. I’ve learned the importance of recognizing my inherent goodness through all this. It’s comforting to know that healing and moving forward are possible, even in the face of the shame and confusion from being deceived. I remind myself that I am worthy of love and I can find a path to brighter days ahead. Peace be with you! Support the show…

1
Finding Peace 13:26

منذ 7 weeks13:26

13:26

Send us a text In my journey toward finding personal peace while interacting with individuals who exhibit Cluster B personality disorders—such as borderline, narcissistic, or psychopathic traits—I’ve learned some valuable strategies. I’ve realized there are five key behaviors I need to avoid: engaging in arguments, pouring my energy into one-sided relationships, trying to “fix” others, hiding my true feelings, and overthinking past events. I’ve come to understand that it’s futile to try to change these individuals; any genuine desire for change has to come from them. I’ve noticed that people with Cluster B personalities can often be manipulative, using tactics like love bombing, and I’ve learned that seeking external validation from them is unreliable. It’s also been challenging to navigate toxic relationships, especially with family members. Sometimes, I’ve had to limit contact for the sake of my well-being. Ultimately, I’ve encouraged myself to recognize these toxic relationships, appreciate the blessings in my life, and shift away from people-pleasing behaviors. This has helped me approach my interactions with a more discerning mindset, which feels empowering. Support the show…

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It's NOT Possible! 12:46

منذ 8 weeks12:46

12:46

Send us a text In this podcast, I want to share my difficult journey of coming to terms with the reality of relationships involving individuals with Cluster B personality disorders, such as narcissism and borderline personality disorder. After nearly two decades of marriage to a covert narcissist, I felt a deep pain in realizing that a normal, loving relationship was unattainable. The emotional turmoil I experienced included trauma bonds, sleepless nights, and overwhelming feelings of anger and hate, all compounded by my denial of my wife’s true nature. Living with someone like this felt like being in a state of purgatory—I appeared happy on the surface, but inside, I felt profoundly unfulfilled and neglected. A pivotal moment for me was when I decided to remove my wedding ring. This simple act symbolized my break from an unhealthy attachment and my acknowledgment that the relationship was not what I had believed it to be. I learned the hard way not to hold onto the hope that manipulative partners would change. I realized that emotional manipulation could severely damage my sense of self. Through this experience, I understood the importance of self-reflection and recognizing my motivations. I realized that maintaining a typical relationship with someone who has a Cluster B personality disorder is often unrealistic. By acknowledging that past positive experiences might have been manipulative and recognizing the controlling behaviors of narcissists, I was able to shift my focus from my wife to myself. This shift ultimately led to healthier emotional outcomes for me, allowing me to reclaim my identity and find a sense of peace. Onward! Support the show…

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New Year...New Hope! 13:22

منذ 9 weeks13:22

13:22

Send us a text As a New Year dawns, I find myself reflecting on the disorientation that can linger after the holiday season, especially for those of us who have navigated challenging relationships with individuals exhibiting Cluster B personality disorders. It’s so easy to confuse trauma bonds with true love. I’ve seen how love bombing—an overwhelming affection often displayed by narcissists or those with borderline traits—can feel intoxicating, but it’s not the same as genuine love. I know that trauma bonds can form quickly through that instant attraction, only to later reveal negative traits in a partner. In contrast, true love takes time to develop, characterized by a deeper emotional connection that feels steady and nurturing. I’ve experienced the dynamics of trauma bonding firsthand, where one partner, like my wife, uses intimacy as a means of control, often echoing lessons from a narcissistic parent. This differs from healthy relationships, which blend physical, emotional, and intellectual connections. I’ve found myself on an emotional roller coaster, caught in extreme highs and lows that ultimately leave me feeling stagnant and lacking mutual respect with my wife. Important conversations often go unaddressed in these trauma bonds, highlighting the dysfunction that exists. I have felt immense frustration trying to engage in meaningful communication with someone displaying narcissistic traits like my wife. Our discussions often seem to devolve into accusations rather than fostering productive dialogue. I recognize the addictive nature of these trauma bonds, and it has helped me understand the stark differences in healthy relationships, which are built on mutual respect and effective communication. As I enter this new year, I hold onto a sense of hope for new beginnings and encourage myself and you, the listener, to seek healthier connections that nourish our well-being. Support the show…

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13 Challenges of a Cluster B 13:10

منذ 10 weeks13:10

13:10

Send us a text In my journey through relationships with individuals who exhibit Cluster B personality disorders, particularly those with narcissistic and borderline traits, I’ve encountered a whirlwind of emotional challenges and complexities. Drawing on insights from Annie about narcissistic abuse, I’ve identified 13 specific difficulties that resonate deeply with my experiences. For instance, I often find myself confused about what constitutes normal behavior, as erratic interactions leave me questioning my own perceptions. The overwhelming negativity can be paralyzing, making even the simplest daily tasks feel daunting. I struggle with harsh self-judgment, constantly influenced by relentless criticism that seems to echo in my mind. It’s exhausting to feel like I always have to justify my thoughts and feelings, which stifles my ability to communicate effectively. After almost 23 years of marriage, I’ve grown increasingly frustrated with the need to censor my own emotions, which has fostered trust issues and a tendency to catastrophize even the smallest problems. This dynamic creates a profound sense of control and isolation, especially when my wife’s inability to provide validation leaves me searching for affirmation that never seems to come. Despite these challenges, I often grapple with a misplaced sense of loyalty towards my wife, clinging to the hope of restoring an idealized version of her. Yet, I also face the reality of a future that feels bleak and marked by emotional turmoil. I find myself contrasting this unhealthy relationship with what I know to be the qualities of healthy partnerships, where mutual respect and open communication thrive. It’s a complex and painful journey, but I hold onto the hope that understanding these dynamics can lead to healing and a brighter future. I hold the same hope for you! Support the show…

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Holiday Challenges-A Cluster B Checklist. 13:21

منذ 11 weeks13:21

13:21

Send us a text It has been my experience that navigating relationships with individuals who have Cluster B personality disorders can be particularly challenging, especially during the holiday season when expectations for family connections tend to rise. That's why it is imperative to approach these interactions with care and understanding. I remind myself to avoid sharing personal details that might be used against me and to steer clear of arguments that could escalate tensions. I need to recognize that these individuals often operate under different values and perceptions, making communication difficult. I also need to be cautious about assuming that family ties guarantee safety; I’ve learned that this isn’t always the case. Instead of seeking revenge or expecting fairness and empathy, I focus on protecting my emotional well-being. When hurtful remarks are made, I try to remind myself that these comments reflect the other person’s struggles rather than my worth. It’s vital for me not to internalize their negativity. I’ve realized the importance of being aware of red flags early in a relationship. If I notice signs that things aren’t right, I remind myself that it’s okay to step back and end unhealthy connections without needing validation from the other person. Ultimately, I’ve learned that prioritizing my well-being and surrounding myself with supportive friends and family is far more fulfilling than engaging in toxic behaviors during the holidays. "Happy" Holidays! Support the show…

1
Welcome to the Danger Zone! 13:43

منذ 12 weeks13:43

13:43

Send us a text I often find myself grappling with the emotional challenges that come with being in a relationship with someone who exhibits Cluster B personality traits, especially during the festive season when everyone seems to expect happiness. I feel torn between my desire for a better relationship and the harsh reality of disappointment. The societal pressures and my fears of loneliness often push me to stay in unhealthy situations. I reflect on the justifications I’ve used to rationalize my decision to remain, such as financial dependency and the obligations I feel toward my family. However, I recognize the importance of taking personal responsibility and valuing my self-worth in order to break free from codependency. I’ve come to understand that I need to manage my expectations and prioritize my emotional well-being. Seeking support from positive relationships has become essential for me, and I truly believe that leaving toxic partnerships can lead to healthier outcomes for both myself and my family. Support the show…

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A Survivor's Harsh Reality Check 11:46

منذ 13 weeks11:46

11:46

Send us a text In today’s podcast I explore the challenges of ending relationships with individuals who exhibit Cluster B personality traits, particularly those who are narcissistic or have borderline personality disorder. I’ve realized that distancing myself from these toxic individuals can be a liberating experience, paving the way for personal growth and healthier connections. I share my struggles with a spouse whom I suspect is a covert narcissist, revealing the emotional turmoil and fear I feel stemming from threats of divorce. My youngest daughter has acknowledged the unhealthy dynamic within our family, forcing me to confront the painful reality that my relationship may be irreparable due to deep emotional wounds and a lack of genuine love from my wife. I illustrate the cycle of blame and manipulation we find ourselves in, characterized by the DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) strategy. My spouse often deflects responsibility and positions herself as the victim, which stifles open communication about our hurt and reinforces the toxicity in our relationship. I recognize my feelings of entrapment and the overwhelming sense of responsibility for the issues, even though I am the one who is suffering. Ultimately, I encourage myself and others to acknowledge our circumstances, prioritize personal empowerment, and envision a life free from emotional abuse. I advocate for self-love and well-being over the futile attempts to change the problematic individual in our lives. Onward! Support the show…

1
Finding YOUR right... 13:03

منذ 14 weeks13:03

13:03

Send us a text Navigating a relationship with someone who has a Cluster B personality disorder has been notably difficult for me. I’ve experienced blame-shifting and gaslighting that undermine my self-validation and esteem. I’ve noticed that individuals with these traits often depend on others while harboring resentment, creating a confusing and draining emotional environment for partners like me who are seeking connection. In my long-term relationship, I felt increasingly disliked amidst the dysfunction and abuse, ultimately contemplating separation as a means of empowerment. I’ve often criticized the tendency to remain trauma-bonded and have come to understand the importance of recognizing the unhealthy nature of such relationships. Throughout my 24-year journey, I’ve learned to trust my intuition, affirm my own truths, and prioritize my personal well-being over the demands of the relationship. I advocate for healing and self-affirmation, urging others like you to do the same. Support the show…

1
Look Back Listen: January '24 "Living in the Shadow of a Disordered Mind." 11:38

منذ 15 weeks11:38

11:38

Send us a text Let's listen back to January of this year with a "Look Back Listen" to a popular podcast I published "Living in the Shadow of a Disordered Mind". I am writing a book with the same title that chronicles over two decades of living with my wife whom I suspect is a Covert Narcissist. I plan to publish this book before the end of the year. If you haven't had the opportunity to catch this episode back in January, download it today. Enjoy and be well in your journey. Support the show…

مرحبًا بك في مشغل أف ام!

يقوم برنامج مشغل أف أم بمسح الويب للحصول على بودكاست عالية الجودة لتستمتع بها الآن. إنه أفضل تطبيق بودكاست ويعمل على أجهزة اندرويد والأيفون والويب. قم بالتسجيل لمزامنة الاشتراكات عبر الأجهزة.