20: How to Become your partner's best friend

BE TRUE BE HAPPY BE YOURSELF WITH YUKI MIYAKI

Transcript for Ep20:

Welcome to Be True, Be Happy, Be Yourself show, I'm Yuki Miyaki. In this episode, I will be sharing with you on How to Become your partner's best friend

Many people said that marriage is the tomb of love. As when we become closer to each other, we tend to show our true self. The relationship between the couple will slowly transform into family. So is it good or bad? Of course it is good, but we are most likely to speak more rudely, and our attitude and tone towards each other changes. Let us think for awhile, what was the reason that caused the last argument between you and your husband? Well, you don’t have to tell me now, just continue listening to my podcast.

We are not only partners, but also family members and each other's best friends. We should share our feelings and emotions. To improve the relationship and be each other’s guardian angel. The theme I want to share with you today is "Become Your Partner's Best Friend"

I had married my husband for 20 years, and the intimacy that I have truly realized over the years is not just the contact between the body, but the closeness between the heart.

Like most couples, I can feel my husband, Marcus when he is unhappy. Perhaps it's because women are more delicate (or sensitive)! Most men tend to keep their emotions to themselves. However, I am a person who gets to the point when I’m talking. So I hope my husband is the same too. When I sense that he has something hiding from me, I will be really eager to get to the bottom of it. What I didn’t know is that he is trying to act strong and bold so I don’t worry about him.

However, this action makes me feel disappointed, as if I have been cheated, leading to anger and sadness. I remember that Marcus had to go out to drink because of business meetings, and ended up going home drunk. Sometimes it was unavoidable that he was drunk.

When I tried talking to him, he shouted at me which always irritated upset me.

He can fall asleep but I will be staying up all night, and I get more annoyed when I see him sleeping soundly.

After waking up in the morning, I told him what had happened last night. He will sincerely apologize and say that he has no idea what happened.

Thinking about it, I'm really silly! He was drunk at the time, even if I wanted to communicate with him, I would have to wait for him to wake up tomorrow. After then we can talk to each other about this matter. I mean why bother talking to him when he is drunk, getting angry and punishing yourself? We often want our other half to be what we want but when it did not come out as expected, contradictions and entanglements occurs. After all, everyone’s native family, and growing environment are different, so how could he be me and how could I be him?

I have seen my friend’s relationship with her husband drifting away. The reason is that she always gave so much expectations on him, hoping that his life will follow her expectations. However, when it didn’t happen she will feel frustrated and even begin to have emotional attacks and so on. Actually, it was all because of her insecurities which leads her to find safety and comfort in her husband.

As a result, the relationship worsen. Both are in pain it was such a pity as they used to love each other so much in the past.

During the early days of me and Marcus mode of getting along and after seeing the marriage relationship of my friend, I found that everything comes from us, we always want to prove that we are right, you should listen to me, etc... .... But in fact, what we really needs to be learned in a relationship is to let go of “I" only so we will have "We."

Later, I learned the DISC personality trait analysis during a course. I only understand that everyone’s thinking patterns are different, so I have to learn to shift gears and communicate in a mode that the other party can understand and accept in order to be effective. Mutual understanding. Of course, I also took a lot of courses related to art of communication such as the 5 love languages. Through continuous learning, I was later promoted to be the team leader, assisting the instructor to provide guidance for other students.

The following points are for you to refer to. How to make the other half willing to open their heart like a friend, to talk to you. To tell and share his happiness and all moments.

1. Say what he wants to hear: What is the most important thing in communication ? It’s Not just what you want to say, but what the other person understands.

2. Play with what he wants to play: Men are always gentlemen in-front of their wives and children. But every man has inner children in them. Acceptance is the key.

3. Allow him to be himself: he is neither you nor who anyone else, accept him as he is.

4. Create or chat with him about a topic in common: you can talk about a topic that you all have together, if not, then cultivate a common interest in each other!

For me, a truly effective communication is without expectations. When you have expectations for the answer, it will inevitably be accompanied by disappointment. In fact, we always want to fix the other half, thinking it’s the other party’s problem, but what we really need to do is to reflect ourselves, adjust our inner sense of insecurity and lack of confidence. When the consistent thinking pattern within the ego changes, you will find that the relationship between each other will become closer.

The heart is closely connected. We will become best friends slowly we are willing to share our thoughts with each other, no matter sad or happy.

The reason is because the other party will no longer judge, but listen and understand like a good friend. This is acceptance and love, no matter what who you are, I still love you.

I hope that through my story sharing, you can get more inspiration, gifts of life, and start to create your happy and healthy relationship

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I look forward to seeing you in my next episode where I will be sharing with you more stories about my life and how you can Be True, Be Happy and Be Yourself !

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