Kaitlynn Wood's Fight for Mental Health and Therapy

Inside The Pressure Cooker

When Kaitlynn Wood, a five foot one restaurant worker and survivor of sexual abuse, strives to create a professional and safe work environment, she must confront her own PTSD and the hostile environment of an industry that has been historically enabling of predators.

"We need to set a standard. We need to start today, and we need to make it a priority to not accept that kind of behavior. Period. End of story. Clock out and get the fuck out of my kitchen."

Kaitlynn Wood is an experienced restaurant professional who has worked in the industry for over 20 years. She is passionate about creating a safe and respectful work environment for all, and is an advocate for seeking mental health support.

Kaitlynn Wood shares her experiences of working in restaurants over the last 20 years, which she explains is full of a diverse group of people who create an interesting and chaotic environment. She encourages people to seek mental health help if they are struggling, as she did, and to practice compassion and humility. She also talks about her experience with sexual harassment in the workplace, how she reacted and how it can be difficult for victims to speak up. Despite the challenges, she emphasizes the importance of setting a standard of respect and creating a culture of acceptance.

In this episode, you will learn the following:

1. "The Bond That All Line Cooks and Chefs Share: What Is It, and How Does It Affect Success in the Kitchen?"

2. "The Impact of Mental Health on Kitchen Performance: How Can Therapy Help?"

3. "Tackling Sexual Harassment in the Kitchen: How Can We Create a Culture of Respect?"

Other episodes you'll enjoy:

Jeff Platt

Mario Orozco

Suki Otsuki

Connect with me:

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Twitter: @ChadKelley

Patreon: @Insidethepressurecooker

Website: https://insidethepressurecooker.com

Feedback: Email me!

Loved this episode? Leave us a review and rating on Apple Podcasts or Follow Us on Spotify or your favorite podcasting platform.

Transcript:

[00:00:03]

Over the last 20 years working in restaurants, I met a lot of really interesting people. Bourdain called us pirates and misfits, and he couldn't be more right. We really were. I say were. We are a hodgepodge of cultures and backgrounds, and we get to play with food all day, and we get to make a living doing doing that, and it's pretty damn awesome.

[00:00:27]

This is what inside the Pressure Cooker is all about. It's about making some new friends and sharing some stories with some old friends. And listen, we all know that life inside a kitchen is not for everyone. We've seen plenty of people come and go that thought they could hack it and they couldn't. It really does take a special someone not only to survive, but to really thrive in an environment of just what feels like complete fucking chaos, but it's pretty damn controlled.

[00:00:58]

And then just the constant pressure and the stupid hours you put in, not to mention it can be a very thankless job. Before you know it, it's all in your blood, and it's the only thing you know and you need more. It's an addiction. This is the bond that all wine, cooks and chefs share. It's becoming the heartbeat of the kitchen, as cliche as that fucking sounds.

[00:01:22]

But it's in our blood, which means it's fucking pulsing through our veins, and it's what we live for. A quick interruption before we jump on to the rest of this, two things. First, there's a link in the show notes that well, it's not really a link. It's my email. Please.

[00:01:42]

I want to hear some feedback from you all. What do you love? What do you not love? This is how I learn. And the second part I've set up a patreon account for this podcast.

[00:01:52]

The link is also in the show notes below. Please, if you're able to, we would love any contribution you're able to support us with. We all have costs that we need to try to cover with this show, and any sport would be greatly, greatly appreciated.

[00:02:10]

Well, this is one of the topics I really like to talk about, which is therapy. So there's a manager where my husband works, and she runs off a lot of employees, whether intentionally or unintentionally. Okay? But from my experience, I've been through a lot of shit, so I've been in her shoes. I know a lot about how she's feeling and what she's thinking, but I've been through therapy, and that's how I was able to change and stop being a raging bitch in the kitchen.

[00:02:57]

So I encourage anyone to go to therapy. If you have some stuff you haven't dealt with, if you find that you're an asshole at work and you want to stop being an asshole, if you just want to learn how to communicate better, go to therapy. We do not take care of our mental health enough. We're under so much pressure. We work long hours.

[00:03:26]

We're tired. We get burnt out, and we still got to do it anyway. That's going to make for some short tempers.

[00:03:36]

I've broken up a few fights before they started in kitchens. Yeah. No, I remember. But just because before I left because they were tired. Yeah.

[00:03:47]

When I finally left, I had zero views, man. It did not take anything to really set me off, but I knew it, and I was just like, this is I just look back in the mirror afterwards. I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with me? Why did I just lose it like that? So anybody listening, please go to therapy.

[00:04:11]

It will help you, and it will not hurt you. I promise. Yes. And I love how therapy and seeking mental health is so much more embraced right now than it has been in the past. Where I'm Gen X and my generation, therapy was considered not was is considered a weakness.

[00:04:45]

It's like, why do you need therapy? Just fucking figure it out.

[00:04:52]

Quit bitching and just get back to work. You'll be better later. Go grind the walk in. You know what? Take a mob with you.

[00:05:02]

I've been that guy, too. I've been the person that said that, because at that time, though, I didn't have any mental issues, at least not that I know of.

[00:05:16]

But now, after experiencing, I mean, just a complete mental and physical collapse yeah, I get it. We're not as strong as we think we are. No. And you never know what someone else is going through. I love that road because it's such a taboo subject.

[00:05:43]

Yeah, I love that line, you never know what someone else is going through.

[00:05:52]

What was the first time I saw it? I don't really remember, but I saw it on a shirt recently. It was actually for a veteran support group kind of thing. And it's just like, hey, you don't know what kind of shit I've been through, so leave me alone kind of thing.

[00:06:13]

But yeah, and it's just practice compassion.

[00:06:20]

And practice some humility, too.

[00:06:28]

Like, we're not all that in a bag of dicks. None of us are.

[00:06:35]

I like to think I am.

[00:06:45]

I love this industry because it really turns everything on its head.

[00:06:51]

Like, you can have a young kid teaching an older person, and our industry is usually a second choice for a lot of people. Yeah, we're fucking pirates. Which means it found us. We didn't find it. There was nothing else available.

[00:07:14]

And it was like, Well, I got to do something.

[00:07:18]

There it is. Go get a job in a restaurant. Yeah. I had an assistant when I was the catering coordinator at a big hospital, and I was teaching my assistant, who was, I don't know, probably in her 50s. He was close to retirement age, and I was teaching her how to cook.

[00:07:50]

How do you do this? How do you do that? What is this called? And she had progressed so much by the time I got promoted that it was just awesome to see. But she is also really old school, so I actually learned some very useful things from her.

[00:08:14]

And I just think that is such a great thing about our industry, because we always have something to learn. Yeah, we're always learning. Especially those that are really taken off with this industry and recognizing it's for them. And they want to grow, and they recognize that they can learn from everybody. Because at that point, you know, the smart ones, you can tell the cokes that are going to be good.

[00:08:47]

How I could tell cooks that were going to be worth a shit later on is just how humble they were, but also how they were always watching other people and willing to take in feedback whether they agreed with it or not. But also just being able to see other people and adapt to what they were doing and apply it to their own knowledge and then in execution. So there's a lot to be said there with that. Yes. So I'm five foot one, aka almost a dwarf.

[00:09:29]

Three inches, by the way. Three inches for being legally a dwarf. So the thing that I always have to have is a pair of tongues because I can't reach shit. Especially not the top shelf of a dunge rack. Are you kidding me?

[00:09:45]

There ain't no way. So even when I was in culinary school, I learned how to use tongs and ladles to get stuff to where I could reach it. And I showed a whole bunch of people how to make their lives easier just with a pair of tongs. They work smarter, not harder. Yes, exactly.

[00:10:10]

And like, I'm not going to wait on some taller person to get something down from here. Are you kidding? I'd have five and six caterings that had to be out between eleven and 12:00. And I'm only one person with two legs and two arms. No excuses.

[00:10:28]

Yeah, no excuses. You had to figure it out for sure. It makes me laugh every time I hear people talk about it and they say, you got to figure it out, and I automatically just go back to FIFO. Yes. Figure it the fuck out.

[00:10:46]

Yeah, I really like that one.

[00:10:51]

It's not about rotations. It's just fucking figure it out, man. Nobody's going to be holding your hand through everything.

[00:11:00]

Things are going to happen. Yeah. Things are going to happen. Mistakes are going to happen. It's okay.

[00:11:07]

Right? Don't try to sweep it under the rug. Don't hide anything. Learn from it. Move on.

[00:11:12]

Be a better person from it. Yes. Roll with the pond.

[00:11:19]

That's life. Not just cooking. Yeah. And keep your head on a swivel. Otherwise you're going to establish yeah, they didn't move fast enough.

[00:11:33]

That wasn't my fault. No. I used to scare people, actually, because I was so comfortable with the knife in my hand. I would like to use my knife to, like, point, and I wasn't going to hurt them. The knife is an extension of my hand and they're just, like, shrinking back like I'm an alien.

[00:11:53]

And I'm just like, what is your deal?

[00:11:59]

This is like your best tool in the kitchen and you're scared of it. How is that going to work?

[00:12:08]

I'm really not that scary. I mean, I'm shorter, so I'm a little closer to hell, but come on, man.

[00:12:20]

That's why all the short people are always angry. Oh, man. So what happens if you're short and vegan?

[00:12:29]

Oh, my goodness.

[00:12:36]

You're going to be really mad and really bitter.

[00:12:42]

Yeah, you just go to therapy.

[00:12:47]

Maybe you'll change your mind about it. Oh, man.

[00:12:53]

Well, this is great. What are we missing here? What are we not talking about?

[00:13:05]

PTSD.

[00:13:09]

That's a can of worms right there. That is a can of worms. But the more we talk about it, the more we desigmatize it. So when I first started with Compass Group, I had just gotten away from the really abusive person in my life. And I was terrified out of my mind.

[00:13:36]

And I'm trying to work in a busy kitchen, I'm learning a new job. And I was in that place where I needed some understanding and I just didn't get it. And this guy preyed on all the new girls and he sexually harassed me. And I just about lost my shit. And I went to Chef No, I went to his manager and I was just like, hey, this is going on.

[00:14:20]

And he said, well, can you describe the noises? And I'm just like, no, because I was still in that place in my mind.

[00:14:38]

And that manager did nothing because I wouldn't describe the noises.

[00:14:50]

And it was like, I don't know, three, two, three weeks later. And he pinned this girl to a wall at work on the weekend because nobody was there on the weekend. So he felt that he could get away with it. But because I spoke up about what this person did, she came to me and she was like, what do I do? I was like, you have to speak up about it.

[00:15:22]

You have to say something because it is not fair. It is not right for someone to treat people this way.

[00:15:34]

So we went to the manager together and after three days, they finally fired him.

[00:15:46]

That's ridiculous.

[00:15:52]

That's ridiculous. Was this at the hospital? Did they have cameras in the area?

[00:16:01]

See, that's where he was smart. He did it in an area that didn't have cameras.

[00:16:09]

That's sad. Yeah. And what is really sad is that I put up with a certain level of sexual harassment because I felt like after that incident that nothing was going to be done about it because they just said something to me. There was this one guy who said to a lot of girls that he just wants them to pee on him.

[00:16:45]

There is another one that would refer to our genitalia when talking to us.

[00:16:57]

The statistics is one in three women now are going to experience some form of sexual assault. That number was one in 620 years ago. Wow. So these people that were they professionals? I say professionals like they're working there, but were they just kind of random people off the street, just needed jobs kind of thing and put to work?

[00:17:27]

Like they were just there punching clocks? Well, one of them was a contract worker, so it's a lot harder to get rid of him, according to the manager. And then another one was under that same manager that didn't do anything about the cook that was harassing me before. So that's why I didn't really say anything was because I had already seen his behavior. I'd already seen how he would react.

[00:18:04]

So after that other guy was fired, was there any change in some of the attitudes and some of the other men that were there? No. Oh, man. So they didn't fear the manager or any of the repercussions? No, not at all.

[00:18:28]

So if someone reacts in a way that seems incongruent with the situation, just take a moment pause and ask yourself why people aren't going to generally open up to you and tell you stuff like this. Right. Because we've been taught that it's shameful.

[00:19:01]

I just think that we need to have more compassion, like we said earlier. But just because you think someone's response isn't appropriate doesn't mean that there's not a reason for it.

[00:19:37]

I'm not sure what to say. That because I mean, there's appropriate and there's not. And some of what you just said is very inappropriate, but yet I can't think of what anybody would be going through that would justify that though, or make it appropriate.

[00:20:01]

I was more talking about the responses of I'm just going to say victim, even though I hate that word. Okay, I got you. But I will say that sexual assault against males is the most underreported crime in the country. And if they do not get treatment, the majority of them go on to be perpetrators themselves, which does not excuse their behavior, but it is somewhat of an explanation.

[00:20:38]

But this needs to stop. In our industry, there is no room for that kind of behavior in a kitchen. We can't afford to be bigots.

[00:20:59]

We're such a melting pot of different cultures, languages, customs, food.

[00:21:09]

But we need to set a standard. We need to start today, and we need to make it a priority to not accept that kind of behavior. Period. End of story. Clock out and get the fuck out of my kitchen.

[00:21:32]

God. I'm just thinking it's hard for me to see it from because obviously I've never experienced this being a male, but I've also been in that leadership role where I didn't tolerate any of that shit.

[00:21:58]

And I made sure that if there was something going on, or if you kind of start to hear something, I automatically would put somebody in check where, whether it was a joke or not kind of thing, it's just like, no, none of that here. I mean, you can use whatever language you want, right? I'm not going to tell everybody you can't cuss kind of thing, but we're all going to respect the shit out of everybody that's here. We're all here doing the same job.

[00:22:28]

I've always been the professional, hiring people that I believed were professionals and treating everybody with respect. It starts at the top. So the fact that you got to create that culture but even if it doesn't start at that top, if you're working in that environment where it's there and you see it not necessarily at the top, but where it's just being ignored or swept on. The Rogue, like you said. People really need to ask themselves if they're in the right place.

[00:23:08]

What else is going on? Right? And has that manager done themselves?

[00:23:20]

Yes, because of that same manager that wouldn't fire that guy and those other two people. All right, so I ended up in the executive chef and the sous chef. So that same guy, I was sitting in the office with the executive chef and the sous chef. And he put his hand on the back of my neck while I was turned around. Now that's a trigger for me.

[00:23:50]

The executive chef saw my expression change and saw that I did not like that. I spun around and I looked at him dead in the face and I said, do not do that again. Oh, he did. And he just like, acted like he was like, play fighting me. He said, well, what you're going to do if I do that?

[00:24:10]

And I said, do not do that again. And he continued to act like it was just a joke. Oh, God. And it was not a joke. And executive chef and the south chef were about ready to punch him in the face or drag him out of the office.

[00:24:28]

But because he was somebody's in administration, he was like somebody's cousin or some crap like that, which was why he was still employed, because he was dumb as a buyer. Rocks for sure. And I'm just one person. I'm just one example. Just imagine how many others are out there.

[00:24:50]

And my small circle of friends, all three of us, including my male friend, has been sexually assaulted. Yeah, those numbers are awful. And I really feel like our industry kind of perpetuates the problem because we tell people to suck it up, get over it. So if you're telling people to suck it up or get over it over something else, how are they going to feel when something like that happens? How are they going to be able to reach out and speak up?

[00:25:28]

I've never put those two together like that. But you're right, because once you tell someone to get over it. They're not going to speak up anymore. I'm just laughing because all of a sudden all I think of every place I've ever been corporate, non corporate, everybody has that open door policy, right? That's copy and pasted from every other fucking employee handbook out there.

[00:25:53]

It really means nothing if leadership does not believe in treating everyone equally with respect and with compassion. But I think above all, respect. If you respect someone and they respect you, they are more likely to be open and honest. Yeah. It's so weird that we've got to be able to tell people out there that you have to treat people with respect.

[00:26:23]

I don't even know what to say to that. That's the way we're treating. I've got two kids, seven and ten and that's the way they're raised. There is no other way about it. I mean, you treat everybody with respect.

[00:26:37]

You talk to someone, you look them in the eyes, you grab a problem. You don't go complain somewhere else kind of thing. I shouldn't say complain somewhere else, but you confront it, so to speak. You don't try to hide something. But it's so weird that it feels weird to me that it's an issue.

[00:26:59]

I get it. I know it's an issue. I don't say I get it and I know it's been going on for so long, but it's like mentally I have a hard time understanding it because my brain just doesn't think that way. And it's sad that other people right? I mean are they just really that shady as fuck?

[00:27:16]

Well, it starts very early. It starts with how your parents are and what they teach you. So consent I did not understand what consent was until I was like 23, 24 because I was abused and what I went through boundaries. My boundaries were stepped on. I had no boundaries.

[00:27:41]

I didn't have any personal space. I didn't have anything really. So if you don't teach what boundaries are and what consent is, then they're not going to respect other people's boundaries. So if you don't truly understand what consent is, then how can you approach life with can't think of the word with intent. You have to be intentional.

[00:28:15]

I don't know if I have anything else to really add to that. I mean, it's very it's very nice to hear, you know, your perspective and to know that see another example of not all men are that way and women are perpetrators too. But after I moved away from that person, I was terrified of men. I never thought that I was going to get married, especially not to a man. I can understand that.

[00:28:50]

And my husband is just a wonderful person. He is amazing. But his mother was the one that taught him this is what you do. This is what you don't do. And if you weren't taught that, reach out, look it up, read a book, read some articles, go get therapy, right?

[00:29:13]

Yeah. All we ask for is for you to try. If you see someone that looks uncomfortable or scared, change what you're doing. Make a change. Yeah.

[00:29:27]

Obviously you're doing something wrong. So I guess the first part is understanding being able to there's so much of that before you get too far into that, I mean, there's got to be so much self exploration that someone needs to be doing on themselves to kind of whether you go through therapy for it or not. I did a ton of self exploration with myself when I was younger, where it was just like, why do I act certain ways? Why do I do things? And it led me to have a deeper understanding of myself triggers.

[00:30:10]

But it also helped me understand people more, and that, in turn, allowed me to be a much better person, a better communicator. I think everybody really needs to learn how we work or spend some time on it, whether it's a class and I don't even know what it would be, but just understanding how our brain works, how other people work, so we can understand the concept of compassion and how to apply it and how to read it. So you're writing a book? I am writing a book. Tell me about that.

[00:30:48]

I love to read. I have, like, seven bookcases of books, and I still have more books that are becoming furniture.

[00:30:57]

I'm writing an urban fantasy series where the magical and the human community are currently trying to integrate. I'm going to explore the socio political views, throw some mystery in. There nothing about romance because that drives me nuts. And one of my main characters is going to be a survivor with PTSD. Okay.

[00:31:29]

Because that is very much so underrepresented, especially in Sci-Fi and fantasy. And obviously, I have personal experience with this, and I just I hope that I'm going to receive, you know, some positive some positive feedback, but I'm trying really hard. And of course, one of my characters is going to be a chef. That goes without saying. Is the chef the PTSD, or is he the mentally unstable character?

[00:32:15]

So the female lead is actually going to be the one with PTSD. Okay. And the male lead is actually going to be a werewolf that is an owner operator of a kitchen. So, yeah, the mentally unstable one.

[00:32:37]

Yeah, we are pretty mentally unstable. Those shirts they came out with is like, I'm a chef. I survive on chaos, cuss words, and caffeine. I think that describes quite a few of us. Yeah.

[00:32:54]

You have to be just a little bit insane to thrive in that kind of environment. Yeah. There's already something wrong with you for you to get into restaurants and kitchens and enjoy it and love it. So well, this has been a fantastic conversation. Yes.

[00:33:10]

I've greatly enjoyed talking with you. Thank you very much. Thank you. And thank you for listening to this episode. Up inside the pressure cooker.

[00:33:19]

If you enjoyed this episode and feel like you're able to take something away from it, please go to Apple podcasts and rate and review us. If you don't use Apple podcast, please follow us as well. Share this episode with a friend. This is a publication by Rare Plus Media hosted and produced by me from Rare Plus Media and myself, Chad Kelly. Thank you for listening.

[00:33:43]

Keep kicking ass.