Searching for a God We Will Never Find with John Hamilton

The Gospel of Direct Experience

What happens when the walls of traditional religion crumble, and all that’s left is raw, unfiltered awe? In this episode we sit down with John Hamilton—UCC minister, musician, and author of the excellent theological memoir Honest to God. Guided by the book, the three of us dive into the chaos and beauty of spiritual awakening in an era of collapsing institutions.

John Hamilton was born into a spirited Irish-American family of singers and storytellers. Breaking with his strict Catholic upbringing, he embarked on a career in music that immersed him in the colorful but dangerous world of drugs, alcohol, and rock clubs. A debilitating onset of panic disorder abruptly halted his musical pursuits, propelling him into the business world where he thrived as a creative director in advertising. Despite professional success, Hamilton's persistent quest for the transcendent led him to seminary and, eventually, to two decades of parish work as a pastor. His most recent book, Honest To God, chronicles the collapse of mainstream Christianity, his loss of connection to the transcendent and his walk into the wilderness to search for it again. He maintains an active presence on Substack, has 25,000 followers on Spotify, and another book, “The Weight of Snow” in the works for 2026.

If you’ve ever felt the holy ground shake beneath your feet or wondered how to find meaning when the old gods fall, this conversation is for you.

Episode Highlights [00:04:50] Rock & Roll—The Hot Wire to God

• A conversation on music and spirit. If you're a rock musician, why be a minister at all?

[00:12:35] Awe

• A reading from the book gets into one of the major themes of the book—awe, the relationship of one's seminary training to a one's experience of awe, John's experience of staring into the abyss during his wife's medial emergency, and the negative or apophatic approach to God.

[00:26:15] Nontheism

• Another reading from the book gets us into a discussion of John's identity as a nontheist (as opposed to an atheist), God's identity and nature, prayer, miracles, and direct spiritual experience.

[00:41:56] The Collapse of Mainstream Christianity

• We talk about John's experience closing churches, the worldview collapse the accompanies the collapse of the Church, a reading from the book about John's earliest memory (of a church burning down), and what could or should replace the loss of churches.

[01:02:20] Searching for a God We Will Never Find

• A final, triumphant reading captures the heart of the book and leads us into a concluding discussion of why Jeff left his last church position in September 2024.

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