098: The Listening Lie: "I'm a Good Listener" (3 of 6 Part Series)

Playing In The Sandbox

In the third part of our "Communication Lies Leaders Believe" series, Tammy tackles one of the most common myths leaders tell themselves: "I'm a good listener." She powerfully argues that listening is not just about having an open-door policy. It's about seeking to understand from the other person's perspective. Tammy breaks down the three levels of listening—transactional, active, and transformational—and challenges leaders to move beyond simply hearing words. The true measure of a leader's listening skills isn't their intention; it's whether their team feels seen, heard, and understood. This episode provides the tools to stop being a "fixer" and start being a true leader who co-creates solutions.

Key Takeaways for Leaders

• The Listening Lie: Believing you're a good listener just because no one says otherwise is a dangerous myth.

• Listening to Understand vs. Listening to Respond: Avoid the trap of "reloading your response." True listening is about gaining clarity, not just providing an answer.

• The Three Levels of Listening:

1. Transactional: Hearing words and giving a one-sided, often pre-determined, response.

2. Active: Asking clarifying questions but still pushing toward your own agenda.

3. Transformational: Listening for meaning, emotion, and impact, then reflecting back to ensure the other person feels truly understood.

• The Problem with Being a "Fixer": Your team doesn't always want you to solve their problems; they want you to hear them and co-create a solution together.

• The True Test: You are a good listener only when your team can tell you specifically what you do that makes them feel seen, heard, and understood.

In This Episode, You'll Learn

• The difference between transactional, active, and transformational listening.

• How to stop "listening to respond" and start "listening to understand."

• Why an open-door policy doesn't automatically make you a good listener.

• A powerful reframing technique to use in conversations that will help your team feel valued and understood.

• How to challenge your own listening lie and create a two-way dialogue loop.

Ready to stop feeding the lies that are holding you back? Get on the waitlist for our next Leadership Sandbox mastermind group, starting later this month, and get the tools to lead with intention and integrity.

Join the waitlist today: leadershipsandbox.com/groups