Back-to-School Mental Health Tips

The Hingham 'Cast

Ally Donnelly

Hi and welcome to the Hingham ‘Cast. I'm your host Ally Donnelly. This episode is brought to you by Derby Street Shops.

The Hingham ‘Cast is hyper local, we look at the world through the lens of one small town. My town here on Boston’s, South Shore, but the issues we explore are unfolding in communities across the country. Like Back to School. It’s an exciting time of hope and promise, but for some kids it can also be a time riddled with anxiety.

According to the Centers for Disease Control, 1 in 5 kids aged 6 to 17 experience a mental disorder in a given year. Some experts, including our guest today, say it may now be as high as one in four. With an estimated $247 billion dollars spent each year to manage and treat those issues.

As we start another school year in a pandemic that just won't quit. I wanted to learn what we can do as families, as a community to meet kids where they’re at and help as best we can.

My guest today is Dr. Khadijah Booth Watkins. She's a child psychiatrist and Associate Director for the Clay Center for Young and Healthy minds at Mass General Hospital. She specializes in anxiety disorders, ADHD, and overall student mental health and suicide prevention. Dr. Booth Watkins, thank you so much for joining us.

Dr. Khadijah Booth Watkins/MGH Clay Center

Thank you for having me. I'm excited to talk with you today about our kids and what's going on with them.

Ally Donnelly

Yeah, so much. Right? Give us a sense of the state of child mental health right now.

Dr. Khadijah Booth Watkins/MGH Clay Center

Our kids are facing a mental health crisis, there has been alarms rang by the Academy of Pediatrics and of child and adolescent psychiatrists and children's hospitals. And then shortly thereafter, the Surgeon General also put out this morning saying that we're in the middle of a mental health crisis for our for our children and adolescents. They are really struggling with we're seeing an increase in depression and anxiety, suicidal thinking, loneliness. And the even scarier part is that much of this started well before the COVID-19 global pandemic.

Ally Donnelly

Yeah, yeah. You know, there's data all over the place, right. But one, data point from the CDC said 44% of high school students said they experienced persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness with girls and the LGBTQ plus community reporting the highest levels of poor mental health and suicide attempts. You know, as kids think about going back to school on top of what they've already experienced, you know, from the pandemic, from pre pandemic, think about bullying, peer pressure, school violence, fears, relationship building anxiety, you know, what's going on for kids as they think about heading back.

Dr. Khadijah Booth Watkins/MGH Clay Center

So they are, they probably have a lot of thoughts going on. And many kids are excited to go back and they're looking forward to going back and then their kids who are dreading going back their kids who actually never liked school. So there are some kids who are more vulnerable. They they struggled with attending school for various reasons, whether it's learning issues, whether it's anxiety, whether it's social, social challenges, but they're worried about, you know, how they're going to perform, are they going to be accepted? Are people going to like them? Are they going to be able to make friends depending on whether your kid is going from a major transition from elementary to middle or middle to high school or even from high school to college, really just finding their place and and making sure that they feel secure and welcomed. They're worried about those things. And they're still many kids still worried about being healthy and staying healthy and possibly bringing back something to their, to their home. Maybe they have a vulnerable parent or living with a vulnerable grandparent. So there's, there's tons of things swirling around in their heads.

Ally Donnelly

Yeah, you know, I know, we're all trying to get back to some level of normalcy in a COVID pandemic world. I know, for my own family, my kids, sunk deeply into screens and social media as I was trying to work in the pandemic, and, and that's lasted even though you know, we're, many of us are back to work, but we're home and back to work. How, how much are we still dealing with those kinds of issues?

Dr. Khadijah Booth Watkins/MGH Clay Center

Part, I think part of it is that we have to help them with their fantasy that everything is gonna go back to normal, because I don't know that anyone thinks at this point, that thing is gonna go completely back to the way they were. So I think helping them reconcile that and helping them kind of see what things will be preserved and what things are going to be changed probably more indefinitely. And also trying to, as we think about things going back to normal in school, how do we begin to normalize some of our routines and our, our structures and our expectations really, of ourselves and our kids? Because I can agree that working from home with children was not fun. And I have a have a newfound appreciation for the work that teachers did and do. Because it was a challenge. And I have an older child, and it was still a challenge. Because like they see you, but you want to say to them pretend that I'm not here, but that's really not possible.

Ally Donnelly

Yeah. And not a great message for a kid who's struggling. Right, right. You know, the Biden administration recently announced $500 million to expand mental health services in schools. And, you know, that's on top of what there has already been some fed and state money. I know, Hingham has hired more counselors system wide, they have an emotional support dog at the high school that, you know, they're taking a lot of steps to lean into social and emotional health. But I'd love for you to talk a little bit about how you see the role of schools in helping to shoulder this mental health crisis for kids. It's I mean, I would think it's a necessity on a level.

Dr. Khadijah Booth Watkins/MGH Clay Center

Yeah, kids spend so much time at school. And so it is, it's amazing that it's taken us to get to this point before this has become a priority for schools or or at schools are able to be funded to make this a priority, because I'm sure schools have wanted to do this. But they do spend so much time at school, they're spending time learning, there's been a time socializing, you know, they're spending time kind of also discovering who they are, what their interests are. And so it makes sense to have mental health support in school. But I think above and beyond that, it'd be really important if we can really began to talk about mental health, and educate about mental health so that we can really break down the stigma that still is so strong as it relates to mental health and treatment for mental health. School is a place where it can really be normalized, because this is where place where you go every day. And if we're talking about it on a regular basis, if their counselors and psychiatrists and other mental health providers present, it becomes more normal and less scary, less taboo. So I think that's a great idea, it really is just going to have to be that it's going to be need to be well thought out, we have to think about what the qualifications of these people are, that are going to be in the school is going to be super important to have a diversity of, of counselors and therapists of diverse ethnic and cultural backgrounds, so they can kind of reach the kids and meet the kids and connect with the kids where they are. And also kind of thinking about if we bring them into the schools, then what happens in the summer because some kids still need therapy and treatment throughout the summer months. And so how do we bridge that gap? So I think it's going to have to be thoughtful planning around this?

Ally Donnelly

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's interesting because it feels like oftentimes, or traditionally, perhaps in the traditional model, a kid's having a mental health issue or struggling anxiety, there's so to speak. And I don't mean this in a punitive way, but sent down to talk to a counselor. Are you saying that you're you would love to see more mental health kind of woven into the school day and as part of the curriculum?

Dr. Khadijah Booth Watkins/MGH Clay Center

Absolutely is part of the the curriculum like the you know, the mental health providers are more like ever present. They might give some classes they might pop into the gym, you know, doing some observation and doing some real time in the moment teaching and taking advantage of teachable moments when they see things happen. Talking again, talking about mental health and talking about some of the challenges in struggles and making it okay to say, I'm not okay. And can I talk to someone as opposed to having to be sent down to the counselor's office, you feel now comfortable advocating for yourself, you're aware that you're having these feelings that are not okay with you. And you're now taking yourself down, there's a choice as opposed to you being directed, which is has a different feeling, you know, there's a different there's a level of competence that you feel a master that you've taken charge of something that is important to you, and that's going to help you as opposed to being almost feeling having it feel like a reprimand because sometimes that's what it feels like for kids.

[[Sponsor]]

Let’s take a quick break here to thank our fabulous new sponsor, The Derby Street Shops. We all head to Derby for everything from groceries to clothes to cocktails, but it’s also a great spot for activities and events for the whole family! Coming up, they’ve got a Boos and Brews family-friendly event at the Untold Brewing Beer Garden, trick-or-treating for the kids, and a Yappy Hour celebration for the furriest member of your family. Oh, and I almost forgot the best part, Hingham’s first Shake Shack and Pottery Barn are opening this Fall. Enjoy your Derby Days and be sure to check out derbystshops.com, that’s derby st shops dot com to see what’s new and now. Okay, back to our conversation with Dr. Kadijah Booth Watkins and some tips on how to normalize the conversation about mental health with your family.

Ally Donnelly

Yeah, yeah. You know, you touched on this earlier for a bit. But you know, you talked about taking control, control is a tough word, right? Because we're all trying to get control of our lives and our, our headspace. But as families, what can we do to help kids manage what's happening for them, or, you know, if we struggled to even, you know, you talk about normalizing the conversation, you know, some families are just not comfortable in this arena. So help us as fit as family members, or those who care for kids to figure out ways to talk with them to get at the root of their feelings, and to try and support them. I'd love some pointers.

Dr. Khadijah Booth Watkins/MGH Clay Center

So just like, you know, you don't want to be sent into the principal's office or sent to the counselor's office and have these big conversations, we want to try to have conversations on a regular basis, and small chunks, you know, finding natural opportunities, whether we're taking a walk, riding in the car, you know, watching something on TV, but really began to incorporate these conversations into our everyday life and our day to day routines. That I think is where it will begin. And so in that way, you're asking them about how they're doing, what they're feeling, what experiences they've had, and also getting from them collaborating with them, how can we work together and help you and it doesn't feel like the talk, like we're not having a big talk because something is wrong, or something didn't go? Well, we're having a normal talk. Because in this family, we talk about our feelings, we talk about, you know, our experiences, and we we work together to make things better. And I think that is going to be key to really any any of these discussions that are that are going to be had as we're trying to help our kids is that it doesn't feel like it doesn't feel like it's something out of the blue. It doesn't feel like it's something super special. But it feels like this is just what we do. And so I think normalizing conversations is going to be important, modeling for them, how we talk about feelings, and how do we express feelings, in the way that we do it and also in the way that we respond when other people kind of share with us how they feel. That's that's also like kids are watching us all the time, even when they win even when we think they're not. And so how we talk about someone who's struggling with depression or anxiety, how we jump in to help someone who's struggling, you know, how we the words we use, and we talk about how we're feeling is going to be super helpful for them to be able to begin to identify their own feelings and to be able to kind of articulate themselves to other people so that they can advocate for themselves.

Ally Donnelly

Yeah, yeah. You know, at our dinner table, we do rose and thorn. So give us a rose of your day. Give us a thorn of your day. I wonder if there's a way to try to tailor that to get at more kind of headspace questions.

Dr. Khadijah Booth Watkins/MGH Clay Center

Yeah, I love rose-thorn. And you know, we do you know, the peak in the pit of your day. I think, you know, even with the rose Thorn, you can talk about the bud and the gardener, like you went over to someone who's helped you. Other things I think that can be helpful is when you're watching something or you see something on TV that maybe relates to children and mental health or something that someone is struggling with. Kind of make it a conversation. Oh, you were watching a kid being bullied? I want Has that ever happened to you in school? Or have you seen anything like this happen to anybody that you know, do they talk about bullying, I think just using these everyday kind of experiences and things that we're exposed to to, to make a bigger conversation can be really helped because it feels natural. Like we're watching TV and now we're talking about it. Those are the those are some of the things that that I think make for really productive, fruitful discussion. Also, like when we hear about things in the media and on the news, depending on how old your kid is like you could use some of those examples to talk about, you know, when Naomi Osaka took some days off because she just didn't feel like she was able to kind of compete and also maintain her mental health stability. What did you think about that? Have you ever felt like you you needed to take some time off like, get them talking about how they see the world, how they see how people kind of navigate the world and how it fits into their view and what how they see that fitting into what they might want to do or not want to do?

Ally Donnelly

That's great advice. I'd love some practical tips. I mean, if somebody came into my house right now, they'd be horrified. You know, kids are sleeping til noon, and then they're getting up and they're, you know, they're on Snapchat and every other horrific social media platform. You know, school is a great time for reset. And again, I you know, I talk about my family a lot, my kids are constantly complaining, because I think all things can be fixed with like water, pooping, or hydrogen peroxide, but I’d love some tips about schedules about screens, physical activity, nutrition, sleep, I just, you know, kind of some of those basics, I'd love to hear what your thoughts are on kind of September reset.

Dr. Khadijah Booth Watkins/MGH Clay Center

All those things are so important. And it's all about doing it in moderation. And depending on how old your kid is, it's really going to be in your best interest and in their best interests, doing it together, kind of thinking about what this reset will look like what this kind of returning to a school schedule looks like. Because when they do it with you, they they're they're more likely to buy in and and follow it. I think it starts with can identifying also what things negotiable and what things are not negotiable. So you might feel like in the summertime, you can have your phone in your room. But when school starts back, you can't or maybe that's never a thing that's allowed, but identify in advance, you know, what's negotiable and what's not. And then find the space where you can kind of be flexible. Really, I like to just kind of think about like this, let's start with getting up close to normal waking sleep schedule. And then we kind of build the schedule from there. You know, what, what is our after school time gonna look like? So what do we want to do about homework time, you know, physical activity, and being outside is still super important. So that needs to be in the schedule as well. Are you going to have any extra curricular activities, are you going to be hanging out with friends or just thinking about all of the things that might happen after school and just begin to think about where they might fall into the schedule. And knowing that we're building the schedule, and as we begin to really live it, it's going to need to be tweaked. And being flexible about that as well. But, but just being open going into make recreating a schedule being open. As it relates to screen time. Again, I think it's really important for us to model how we kind of put the phones down, put the computers down, put the tablets down and engage just one on one or as a family. It also is really helpful if we're all going to go out and take a hike or we're all going to go out and you know, go for a swim, as opposed to saying you need to go outside and be active. But giving them something to do instead of being on the screens is going to be helpful in that being successful and kind of cutting down the screen time. I don't love the idea of defined time as an okay, time it really to me boils down to is your child making their social, emotional and academic goals? Are they engaged? Are they doing well in school? Are they still spending time with friends? Are they still healthy and active. And if they're doing those things, and they're still able to have screen time, then you strike the right balance is is has been reached is when the screens get in the way of those things, screens get in the way of them being able to go to sleep or wake up in the morning. They prefer to be on their screens and to go to a birthday party or go to a to a game or social event, that's when it becomes a problem. And I don't know that there's a number that you can put on that.

Ally Donnelly

I know I'm like an screentime jailer. I'm gonna take a new look at that.

Dr. Khadijah Booth Watkins/MGH Clay Center

And every one has a child who's different who has different needs, and we know our kids best and maybe some kids do do better with a with a defined limit. And you just have to know and try sometimes it's a little bit of trial and error. But I think as a bar knowing when there's too much because it's getting in the way...