Repair After Conflict and Employment Challenges-Co-host Greg Fuqua

Neurodiverse Love with Mona Kay

Mona and Greg are co-facilitating a mixed neurotype support group on the 3rd Friday of each month, from 12:30-2pm EST. This is a "drop-in" group for individuals (not couples) and you can attend as often as you want, but space is limited.

Everyone who registers for the April or May support group will receive a free digital download of the Neurodiverse Love Cards and the Neurodiverse Love Card Workbook ($23.97 value) The cost is ONLY $25 per session and if you would like to register for the support group click here.

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During this episode, Mona Kay and Greg Fuqua talk about repair after conflict and employment challenges. In addition, other topics discussed include:

• Repairing major ruptures.
• Being uncomfortable facing your failures
• RSD-rejection sensitivity dysphoria.
• Book by John and Julie Gottman called “Fight Right.
• Based on the Gottman’s research: 69% of our problems are perpetual and 31% of our problems are solvable.
• Traumas and values may impact repeated conflict.
• Self blindness may contribute to not wanting to go too deep with conflict.
• Understanding cognitive style, triggers, and attachment styles is important.
• How alexythymia can impact conflict and conflict resolution.
• Is your conflict gridlocked?
• 6 questions to consider asking each other after a conflict: 1) What do you believe about this issue that you’re fighting about? Do you have some values, ethics or beliefs that relate to your position on this issue?: 2) Does your position on this conflict relate to your history or childhood in some way?: 3) Why is your position on this issue Important to you?: 4) What are your feelings about this issue? (If one of you has Alexythymia you may need more time and space to think about the response to this question).: 5) What is your ideal dream here? If you could waive a magic wand and have exactly what you want what would that look like?: 6) Is there some underlying purpose or goal for you and what is it?
• Having a curiosity mindset when working together to repair a rupture is very important.
• Aphantasia-having a hard time creating an imaginative state.
• Ability to compromise and honor your partners needs.
• When working on repair after conflict creating a bridge with your partner is helpful.
• Using reflective statements can also be helpful.
• Value each others perspective even when you’re not aligned.
• Understanding each other’s hardware and software.
• Neurodivergence in family of origin and not knowing this when you were younger.
• Having a growth mindset.
• Turn taking, slowing down and taking time to listen to your partner is critical.
• Challenges working to your potential and staying on a career path that will lead to financial success.
• The importance of boundaries.
• There may be some challenges in maintaining employment because the neurodivergent partner needs accommodations at work but doesn’t ask for them or understand what they need.
• The autistic partner may have a black and white narrative about themselves and the world.
• Selling your soul in employment may lead to depression.
• Capacity and work schedule need to be discussed.
• Autistics can have very spiky skillsets.
• Where is the culture and job situation that fits you?
• Working hard at the beginning of new employment and not being able to keep up that pace can lead to burnout.
• Challenges in employment can deeply impact your self worth and identity.
• The possibility of being parentified.
• Take inventory of all you’ve achieved as well as the things you’ve overcome.
• What if our partners are a source for our healing?

You can contact Mona at [email protected] or at www.neurodiverselove.com.

You can contact Greg at [email protected] or at www.gregfuqua.com