224. “I took on debt to help my family. Now she won’t marry me.”

Money For Couples with Ramit Sethi

Rachel (31) and Pierre (42) have been together for four years, building a loving and stable life in Brooklyn. But one issue is holding everything back: Pierre’s $60,000 in debt from a failed business he started to support his family. His plan is to wait it out, hoping the problem disappears. But Rachel is unwilling to move forward towards marriage until there’s a plan in place.

To her, his passive approach feels like a warning sign for their future together. Can Ramit help them face the reality of this debt, make a plan, and build a shared vision?

In this episode we uncover:

• Why Rachel vowed never to date someone with debt—and why she chose to date Pierre anyway

• Pierre’s family vape shop business collapse and the $60,000 in debt he took on to try to save it

• The stark difference in how each partner views the debt

• Why Pierre believes ignoring the judgment is a valid strategy

• Rachel’s habit of minimizing her own fears

• How Pierre’s family history shaped his own sense of obligation

• Rachel’s painful history with her mother being scammed out of $60,000

• The tension between investing for the future versus paying off past mistakes

• How cultural expectations and family loyalty complicate Pierre’s decision-making around money

• The breaking point: Rachel admits she cannot say yes to a proposal without a clear plan for the debt

• Ramit’s game plan to get the debt paid off—the right way

Chapters:

(00:00:00) “If you don’t handle this debt, I won’t marry you”

(00:19:50) Ramit breaks down their numbers

(00:27:25) “Happy wife, happy life” — but what about the debt?

(00:41:53) He took on debt for his family — but at what cost to his future?

(00:55:01) “I don’t ask my dad for money… and I don’t ask Pierre either”

(01:07:31) How small sacrifices can open the door to big changes

(01:23:21) Logistics are a big turn on

(01:30:50) Where are they now? Rachel and Pierre’s follow-ups

This episode is brought to you by:

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Links mentioned in this episode

• Get tickets for my next live events—September 14 in Atlanta and September 26 in Los Angeles—at https://iwt.com/events

Connect with Ramit

• Get my new book, Money For Couples

• Get Money Coaching with Ramit

• Download the Conscious Spending Plan

• Listen to my book—now on Audible

• Get my New York Times best-selling book

• Get my no-numbers journal

• Other episodes

• Instagram

• Twitter

• YouTube

If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here.