E2: Kristen Berman and Phil Levin

"Modern Relationships"

In this week's episode, Phil Levin and Kristen Berman share the ultimate friend zone to romance success story.

What started with running quirky social experiments together (like turning a bar into a controlled study on meeting people) blossomed into a relationship that defies convention. Now this behavioral scientist and founder (Live Near Friends) runs a "friend compound" in Oakland, applies data to life's biggest decisions, and proves that sometimes the best relationships start knowing it "would be too good." Kristen and Phil share how they've built an unconventional but deeply fulfilling life together. Instead of trying to change each other, they focus on designing their environment for success.

Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co

--

🙏 Help shape our show by taking our quick listener survey at https://bit.ly/TurpentinePulse

--

Follow on X:

Kristen - @bermster

Phil - @levin_phil

Erik - @eriktorenberg

Turpentine - @turpentinemedia

--

Links:

Kristen: https://irrationallabs.com/

Phil: https://livenearfriends.com/

Erik's substack: https://eriktorenberg.substack.com/

--

Timestamps:

(00:00) Intro

(01:34) Relationship Differences & Learnings

(01:53) Partner Selection: Starting as Friends

(03:52) Navigating Attraction and Friendships

(05:30) Initial Connection and the "Mental Band"

(06:26) Key Lessons on Partner Selection

(09:16) Core Personality Traits and Acceptance

(10:04) Shared Values and Co-Living Vision

(14:16) Co-Living and Community Life

(18:28) Tradeoffs of Community Living

(19:13) Converting Friends & Attraction

(20:54) Chemistry and Early Relationship Stages

(21:44) Fighting and Disagreements

(24:28) Managing Conflict

(25:11) The Importance of a Good Partner

(26:53) Decisions Around Having Children

(30:07) Stress and Decision-Making Structures

(31:55) Careers as a Couple & Childcare

(38:39) Unique Fights & Rituals for Forgiveness

(40:46) Lessons from Dan Ariely

(42:45) Behavior Change and Life Design

(49:25) "Thieves" Friendship Hack

(50:23) Vision for the Future

(56:12) Career Priorities

(57:53) Taboo Topics and Memorable Conversations

(1:00:00) Baby Number Two

(1:00:39) Wrap