Forgiveness - Stop living in the past

Live with Intention

Recently I got an email from a lovely girl asking about how to forgive those who hurt her in order to accomplish her goals. Although her situation was specific, I think the advice is universal. Let's get real. It might be you. As much as we would hate to admit it, blaming situations and people around us is an incredibly easy way to shield ourselves from trying accomplishing what we are terrified to fail at. But It's not ALWAYS about you. The first thing to realize is that if someone hurt you, disassociate yourself from the situation for a second because it's not about you. Not in a rude way,of course. But what if there were reasons upon reasons for them to justify hurting you - beyond your control? Whether it be insecurity, a distraction, or to gain significance, It wasn't about you. You just happened to be in the situation, so rather than attaching yourself to that situation, use it to your advantage. If you're going to blame them, do it right. If you're not ready to take the high route, take the blame route. But at least use it to your advantage. If you want to think of it from an anger and revenge standpoint, think of this. What if...they find out down the road that you accomplished everything they said you couldn't? What if…they find out you achieved those goals because the situation you used yesterday as an excuse, you're using today as a driving force to create whatever reality you'd love to be true? What if…you did one small thing today to prove to yourself you could do one small thing tomorrow in order to accomplish that goal? Here's the big picture. When I was driven by something that hurt me in the past, I would visualize that person finding out about my accomplishments through the grapevine. How maybe they would never put down someone else. It took a while to reframe my thinking and realize the universe is always working in my favor. I finally got to the point in my life where I hold zero grudges. I hate no one. But regardless of what stage you're at in positivity or trusting the universe, Keep. Moving. Forward. You would be doing a disservice to the people who support you to let someone who hurt you being the driving force in your life, rather than the cheerleaders you may not acknowledge as much as you should. "People do what they do, they way they do it, based on who they are, and information that they have at the time. People are doing what they've learned. And maybe you are thinking that they are not loving you, but in truth this person is the only way they know how to love. And it's not personal at all. It's not them trying to hurt you, they just do what they know, how they know. You don't get to tell people how to love, or how to love you, you get to choose whether or not to participate in the way they are loving back." - Iyanla Vanzant xo