Episode 597: Secret Service Failures

Idiots On Parade, the Too Ugly for TV Podcast

00:00 Introductions & Apologies

01:34 The Secret Service

10:23 MAGA Cochella

11:47 The NFL

18:28 Kristin Cavallari

27:13 Cynthia Erivo

32:04 Vince McMahon

—We have offended people, and we are sorry!

Every so often, a really smart person pops into the comments and says, “U suk.” When that happens, I make fun of their inability to write above a 2nd grade level, and, well, that’s apparently hurtful, and mean.

An incredibly intelligent troll of ours pointed out that I don’t make fun of people who compliment us.

Huh.
I wonder why that is.

—A few weeks back, the Secret Service was raked over the coals by, well, everyone, because they allowed a shooter to get too close to former president and loser of the 2020 election, Donald Trump.

“How could this happen?!” people cried.

Well, as a report discovered, it’s shocking it didn’t happen sooner.

The Secret Service has been understaffed and under-funded for years.

That catches up with ya, and that’s what happened here.

—Hey, remember in October of 2020, the Trump campaign left supporters stranded in the cold Nebraska autumn?

Well, the dummies who decided to go see him rant in California didn’t. That’s why they were surprised when the shuttle busses shut down, and they were stuck for hours and hours trying to find a way to their cars.

Yet, even though he ran the country into the ground the same way he campaigned—hey, remember when he dismantled the pandemic response team early on, and then we had an actual pandemic? Ah, good times—these morons will still vote for him, because his own actions are never his fault.

—TONY ROMO IS A MONSTER!
At least, that’s the take of one reporter, the exceptionally intelligent Robert Zeglinski, who has probably never watched football in his life.

From 1937 to 2020, the team in Washington D.C. was called the Redskins.
They changed their name to Commanders in 2022.

You know what that means?
It means that much like people who might slip up and occasionally say, “Houston Oilers,” “Baltimore Colts,” or “St. Louis Cardinals” (or even “St. Louis Rams!”) someone might say, “Washington Redskins.”
Just like Tony Romo accidentally did the other week.

Was it a big deal?

Nope.

Is it worth wasting time crying about?

Nope.
But that didn’t stop super non-fan Robert Zeglinski from throwing a Karen-style fit in a column for an obscure website.

Was it for the sake of virtue signaling?

Probably.

Losers do everything for the sake of virtue signaling.

—Speaking of football, Jay Cutler’s ex, Kristin Cavallari, is a well-known nutcase.

But man, her latest idiocy is barely believable.

She insists that both Kanye, and Britney, have been cloned.

Wasn’t this the premise of “Us,” the horror movie that came out a couple years ago?

Either way, her proof?

Pictures.

See, both Kanye and Britney look different in pictures today, than they did just a few years ago.

Well, THAT’S ALL THE EVIDENCE I NEED.

—If you aren’t aware of the most shocking hateful, hurtful piece of fan art this year (decade? Century?), you should be.

A movie version of the musical Wicked is coming out soon, but Hollywood, as they tend to do, changed the poster.

In the original, Broadway promo, the poster showed a witch with her eyes covered.

In the Hollywood update, the witch is shown looking at the camera.

So, a fan of the musical did a little photoshop magic, and covered the eyes of the actress on the Hollywood poster.

WHICH IS OUTRAGEOUS.

HOW DARE A FAN TRY AND RECREATE AN ORIGINAL WORK OF ART?!

Is there nothing people won’t overreact to?

The fact this even became an “outrage” moment shows we are utterly out of real problems to solve, because now we’re inventing them.

—Jake gives a quick rundown of the new doc on Netflix, Mr. McMahon.

Idiots on Parade: we mock the news, so you don’t have to.

Tune in and get your giggle on.

Find Jake at @jakevevera

Find nathan at nathantimmel.com