064. Becoming Your First Client: The Grief Work of Composting Past Selves and Desires

For The Worldbuilders

I chose the path of tech and software engineering out of creative curiosity, yes. But on some level, if I’m being real, I also chose it because it would, perhaps, make my parent’s sacrifice mean something. It was impressive, it was something they could brag about on Facebook. And, at the time, my inner child connected being impressive with worthiness. She connected being small with love-ability. She connected following orders with freedom from punishment. She connected suppressing desire with survival.

In this episode we explore the ways our creative practice invites us to make new connections. Because inside the erotic as power, we find our fear based connections can’t hold for long.

Resources

• Download the Creative Offer Questionnaire to Oneself: https://www.seedaschool.com/questionnaire
• Subscribe to the Seeda School Substack: https://seedaschool.substack.com/
• Follow Ayana on Instagram: ⁠@ayzaco⁠
• Follow Seeda School on Instagram: ⁠@seedaschool

Citations

• Subscribe to Kening Zhu’s newsletter here
• June Jordan, “Poem About My Rights” from Directed By Desire: The Collected Poems of June Jordan (Port Townsend, WA: Copper Canyon Press, 2005)
• “currency for connection” — Dez Davis
• Cover Art: Dinah Young, Roadside grave. Photo: William Arnett, 1997