Featuring Lawn

Featuring Sean

ANNOUNCER V/O: And on this week's episode, you know it, you love it, your favorite grass from the backyard, LAWN!!!

WILLIAM TAFFYPENIS: Great to see again, Lawn. How long's it been?

LAWN: More like, "how Lawn's it been?"

CO-HOST #2: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

CLINT EASTWOOD (mumbling): Fucking ******* grass.

WILLIAM TAFFYPENIS: Charming as ever. But getting right into it, you shocked the world when you came out publically about your sod transplant and fertalizer injections. By letting us all in on your transformation, you opened yourself up to quite a bit of backlash on social media—from hateful comments, to public threats, what has all this been like for you?

LAWN: Well Bill, first I'd like to thank you for having me on. It's so great to be here!

CO-HOST #2: WOOOOOOOO

LAWN: There was a lot of hate, there was a lot of hate, but there was also a lot of love and support too.

CLINT EASTWOOD (mumbling): Goddamn jew grass.

LAWN: When I decided to get the augmentations, I knew that I had to be real with my fans, cause I owed it to them for their love and support all these years.

WILLIAM TAFFYPENIS: You said, "when you decided," when did you decide? An ultimately why did you decide?

LAWN: Yeah, that's a great question. I decided to do it because I wanted to look how I felt inside. An inside I am a luscious thick sheet of green grass that's covered in rabbit shit, and I needed my appearance to reflect that. It's my identity.

CO-HOST #2: Identity?

CLINT EASTWOOD (mumbling): Bitch-ass waifu-ass grass. Fucking simp. Why don't you outside and touch yourself.

CO-HOST #2: Identity.

WILLIAM TAFFYPENIS: And I am a man that absolutelty cannot get hard. But put me in a child's mouth and I taste like strawberries! OH!

CO-HOST #2: Identity! Identity! Identity!!

WILLIAM TAFFYPENIS: Well that does it for us! Thank you for coming on the show Lawn! We got to go because my attonery just informed me that after my latest catfishing, the charges are gonna stick this time. (laughs triumphantly) That's what they always say. Aren't attorney's such a nag? And look at that, my co-host has just torn off all of Clint Eastwood's limbs. Things are turning into a real Nope situation over here. Thanks for joining us!

LAWN: Thank you!! Wooo! I love you all!