Dating and the Single Parent - "Coupleness" Doesn't Equal "Familyness"

Blended Families

FamilyLife Today® Radio Transcript

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“Coupleness” Doesn’t Equal “Familyness”

Guests: Ron Deal, Rob & Rhonda Bugh, Sabrina Beasley

From the series: Dating and the Single Parent

Bob: Rhonda Williams lost her husband, Tom, to cancer after more than two decades of marriage. Her pastor, Rob Bugh, lost his wife to cancer, as well. Months later, Rob and Rhonda got married.

Rhonda: We really thought we were prepared for remarriage, but we still—

Rob: We were naïve. We were much more focused on the chemistry between us than the chemistry of that dynamic with our kids.

Rhonda: It was difficult for our children to understand, especially how you could love somebody else.

Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, October 15th. Our host is the President of FamilyLife®, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. It’s possible for two spiritually-mature, committed believers in Christ to walk into a second marriage unprepared and to be surprised at what they find. We’ll hear about that today. Stay tuned.

Bob: And welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. Have you ever been at an amusement park where you’ve gone on a ride and you thought, “That was a fun, exciting ride; and I never want to go on that ride again.”

Dennis: Absolutely!

Bob: Have you ever had that happen?

Dennis: I have, yes.

Bob: That’s how Mary Ann and I have talked about dating. It was a fun and exciting thing, and we hope we never have to go on that ride again; you know?

Dennis: Right. It is an experience that is meant to be once in a lifetime; but for a number of people, they have to date more than once. Now, I’m not talking about dating your spouse after you get married. We’re talking about what happens after a divorce, after the death of a spouse.

We’ve got some guests who, not only have solutions, but have some fascinating stories around the whole concept of being single again and dating. Our friend, Ron Deal, joins us on FamilyLife Today. Ron is brand-new to the staff of FamilyLife. He’s not new to our listeners. They’ve heard him on FamilyLife Today on multiple occasions. Ron is married to his wife, Nan, since 1986. They have three sons. He is heading up a new ministry, here, at FamilyLife, targeting blended families.

Ron, first of all, welcome to the broadcast. I’ll introduce our other guests in just a moment. Share with our listeners a little bit about what you hope to do through FamilyLife’s blended family outreach.

Ron: Well, thank you, Dennis. It’s always a pleasure to be on FamilyLife Today with you and Bob. We endeavor to try to equip blended family couples to go the distance. We want the marriage that they’re in to be their last. The couples that are listening right now, who are in stepfamilies, know exactly what I’m talking about.

By death or by divorce—some script that they did not choose to write—they now find themselves in a different family situation. We want to try to help them understand their family, make sense of what’s going on, and create it into a home that is a redemptive home. I really believe, very strongly, that stepfamilies can be homes of redemption—stop the cycle of divorce with this generation—make a difference in the emotional, spiritual, and psychological lives of their children so that they have the ability to grow, trust the Lord, and live vibrant lives of their own.

Dennis: And out of that heart, you’ve written a brand-new book called Dating and the Single Parent. We’re going to be talking about that in a few moments. Also joining us is Sabrina Beasley. She used to work, here, at FamilyLife. She gave birth to her first child and went home to be a stay-at-home mom and had a second child. Then, in 2010, her husband was killed in a car wreck; and she became a single parent. She has agreed to come in and share a little of her story and kind of how that whole process is going currently. Sabrina, welcome to the broadcast.

Sabrina: Thank you, Dennis. Thank you for having me today.

Dennis: And then we have Rob and Rhonda Bugh from Wheaton, Illinois. Rob, Rhonda, welcome to the broadcast.

Rhonda: Thank you.

Rob: Thanks, Dennis. It’s great to be here.

Dennis: Rhonda is a pediatrician and has been for 28 years. Rob has been a pastor—pastor of Wheaton Bible Church for—how many years?

Rob: Eighteen.

Dennis: Eighteen years. Together, they have six children—six adult children—and one teenager. The unique side of their story is Rhonda’s husband, Tom, was Rob’s best friend. He died of cancer in 2005. Then, in 2005 and 2006, Rob’s wife fell prey to cancer, as well, and died. Interestingly, they started dating and remarried. We’ve got their story that we’re going to be illustrating what Ron is talking about—from his book.

Ron, in America this year, there should be a million—approximately a million—marriages. How many of those will be remarrieds?

Ron: Right. About 45 percent of them will be remarrieds. Now, the majority of those remarriages will also include children from previous relationships. So, about 40 percent of all weddings will give birth to a stepfamily.

Bob: Interestingly, one of the things you talk about, in your book on Dating and the Single Parent, is that, in a first-time marriage, the marriage forms the foundation on which the family is built.

Ron: Right.

Bob: But when there are already kids present and then there’s a remarriage, it’s a different kind of home; isn’t it?

Ron: It’s a different kind of home, and it has a different sort of foundation. For that couple to put their relationship into a place of being the foundation of the new step-family home is one of those long-term agendas that they need to have to bring stability. During the dating season, the challenges are many.

I say it this way, Bob: Dating, as a single—never-married, no kids—dating anoth...