#11 Callsuma Ali - The Wash up, Farewell

Bereavement Room

Today marks the last episode of Series 3, the Wash up. Wrapping up 3 seasons of Bereavement Room, several guests later, and a worldwide listen it's now time to bid you farewell. I guess you could say Bereavement Room is my love letter to brown and black communities.

I created my podcast because I was discriminated in therapy when seeking support for the death of my younger brother, this was a time where many changes came into my life. I wanted to know what the barriers in therapy might be for minoritised communities as i had faced so many.

Exploring anger, frustration and disappointment in the way our human experiences are dealt with in all areas of society and our environments, whether the workplace or education provider supports brown and black folk with their bereavement in the same way they support their white employees and students.

In my 20s I am not sure I explored the death of my mother, I didn't grieve out loud, it was this traumatic event in my life that often went unspoken because people didn't really want to sit down and talk about it. I was excluded given 1 day off work to deal with it by my employer when I asked them to support me through this difficult time.

My family, solo travelling and blogging is what held me at the time but it was not something I could talk about with friends or colleagues and if I tried i would get gaslighted or a conspiracy of silence would play out.

After my brothers death I did not feel well and realised I needed to carve out my own space to address unfiltered and unspoken truths, the only way to do that was to cultivate solidarity with black and brown communities, provide a space to be heard, that I wasn't allowed to have in my 20s.

I wanted to raise points that are often overlooked within the diaspora, the lack of understanding of how death and grief might manifest within communities of the diaspora, that we are not a monolith despite all these labels that are given to us by the system and dominant voices in our communities.

Death effects everyone, grief is of course universal but the narrative is not and this will add an additional layer to the process that people must hold space for.

Knowing that a lot of bereavement/grief podcasts were over saturated with white communities rarely ever inviting black and brown folk to the table as a guest, I knew i had to create a death cafe and podcast for us, somewhere we can be heard without being censored and told how to do this.

Guest episodes were produced around some of the following topics, NHS negligence, suicide, faith, heritage, culture, rituals, therapy, barriers we face, the economy, colonialism, mental health in the student population, Muslim mental health, COVID-19, looking after vulnerable family members, grieving in a lockdown, family dynamics, workplace politics & trauma and child bereavement, the list is endless really. I had unpacked more than i intended to when producing the episodes.

So in this final episode I touch on some of these points and where i am at now 2 and a half years later as the course of this podcast shifted in series 1 following the unexpected death of my father.

I reflect on the importance of effective communication between professionals and patients/clients, what might they carry when delivering a service, using Gloria Likupe's blog here on the BMJ for reference: https://blogs.bmj.com/ebn/2020/01/26/enhancing-communication-with-patients-from-minority-ethnic-groups/ the risks that are involved in our day to day when interacting with communities different to our own.

I also delve into what therapy looked like for me 6 months after my father's death in the middle of lockdown and the issues that arised. I also reflect on regrets, gut feelings, intuition and our friendships. The importance of being a member of a union to help us know what our rights are as employees followed by muslim mental health that often goes unspoken within the muslim community.

I conclude that it's co-existence or no existence, life is for living in the best possible way, because life is fleeting and tomorrow is never guaranteed. Grief is for a lifetime, and co-existence is so key in how we carry on with our lives.

Being heard is so important isn't it? When we go unheard we can't claim our own narratives, they are stolen and told from a lense that has never lived your life or walked a day in your shoes, and so I hope my podcast provided some sort of solace, comfort, perhaps you felt seen and witnessed in a safe space, perhaps it was the first time you reflected on your human experiences out loud, whatever my podcast meant to you I hope it helped in some way.

And so our time in this room has now come to a end, may you be loved and never excluded, may you be seen and witnessed, may you be protected from discrimination and may you find peace in your co-existence.

with thanks and gratitude to all of my former guests, listeners, supporters and donors of season 3, I bid you farewell take good care of yourselves.

Your host,

Callsuma Ali