96. Why Being Right Is Destroying Your Relationship

After the Affair

Winning your next argument is the most important thing, right?
Join Luke Shillings - Relationship and Infidelity Recovery Coach as he unpicks the psychological and emotional reasons behind our desire to be right in arguments, especially in the aftermath of betrayal.
We explore how this need can create a zero-sum game in relationships, leading to increased resentment and conflict. Luke shares personal anecdotes and practical insights on how to move past this need, fostering better understanding and connection in relationships.

Key Topics Discussed:

1. The Universal Desire to Be Right:

   • Exploring why being right feels so important.
   • Understanding the deeper need for validation and self-worth.

2. The Emotional Underpinnings:

   • How past experiences and insecurities drive the need to be right.
   • Luke's personal example from his workplace experiences.

3. The Zero-Sum Game:

   • How arguments become about winning rather than resolving issues.
   • The detrimental effects of this mindset on relationships.

4. Throwing Fuel on Each Other's Fire:

   • An analogy to illustrate how arguments escalate.
   • The importance of understanding and empathy to prevent conflict from intensifying.

5. Moving Past the Need to Be Right:

   • Steps to cultivate self-awareness and reflect on the desire to win.
   • Techniques for focusing on listening and validating your partner's perspective.
   • Practicing empathy and collaborative problem-solving.

6. Personal Reflection:

   • Luke shares his own journey in overcoming the need to be right.
   • How shifting focus from winning to understanding transformed his interactions.

Listener Takeaways:

• Self-Awareness: Recognise when you’re slipping into the mindset of needing to win and reflect on the underlying motivations.
• Active Listening: Focus on truly hearing your partner’s point of view to validate their feelings and perspectives.
• Empathy and Collaboration: Remember that your partner is not your adversary; work together to find solutions that respect both viewpoints.

Reflective Question:

How can you shift your focus from being right to truly understanding your partner’s perspective the next time a disagreement arises?

Take some time to think about this and consider how it might change the dynamics of your relationships.

Your help is really appreciated by others just like you:

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Connect with Luke Shillings:

• Website: lifecoachluke.com
• Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
• Email: [e-mail]