In this episode, I discuss the idea of building a legacy. I share how over the past year and a half, through my podcast, social media, and networking, I have been building mine. My mission has been to help other single people like me find more joy. Through my transparency, I hope to help others feel understood and less alone. It takes bravery to be real on this podcast, in photos, etc. I hope I’m known for that too. I challenge you to think about what it is you want to be known for. What is it that defines you as a person? I suggest you spend more of your time in 2023 focusing on those values. As for me, I don’t want to be defined by my relationship status. I don’t want to just be known fir “Man Shopping “. It’s time for me to focus on other interests & pursuits. I’m still here… I just may be a bit quieter. Thank you for listening. Thank you for your support & friendship. XOXO Stacie Support the show…

Since I recognize that the holidays are often busy, stressful, and not so holly jolly, I want to remind you of some of the things we singles should be grateful for and also give you all some ideas to bring a bit more joy to your Christmas season. We can plan time away without permission or agreement (within reason) We can decorate as little or as much and in any fashion we want. We don't have to share the goodies and gifts we receive. We can get a little extra fluffy (or unshaved) and no one knows the difference or cares. We can listen to Christmas music and watch movies without enduring eye rolls or ridicule. Some of us have less work to do overall... less food to make, fewer gifts to wrap, one side of the family to visit, etc. Some ways to make your holidays more jolly: Travel with your kids. Give to a cause - time or money or both Keep things simple and NOT perfect Take care of yourself- take a bath, a walk, a nap. Pamper yourself. Get a facial or massage. Say a prayer. Meditate. Reflect on things you are grateful for. Merry Christmas, Friends! xoxo, Stacie Support the show…

'Tis the Damn Season... You can call me babe for the weekend." ~ Taylor Swift Cuffing season as defined by Merriam Webster: "Refers to a period of time where single people begin looking for short term partnerships to pass the colder months of the year.' Cuffing season begins in October and lasts until just after Valentine's Day. Paraphrasing a recent article from Today.com says that cuffing season is a seasonal phenomenon of single people ramping up their efforts to enter into relationships during the fall and winter months. Cuffing season falls into the category of situationship. For some people it's a serious relationship. For others it is merely someone to come over when you want company on cold winter nights. Loneliness is the ultimate driver of cuffing season. The Cleveland Clinic explains that, " When the temperature drops and it gets cold earlier there is often a change of mood connected to the chemicals of serotonin and melatonin in your body. Cold nights can trigger intense feelings of loneliness and a drop in serotonin and there may even be a link between cuffing season and seasonal affective disorder. During cuffing season, you may inadvertently lock yourself in a relationship you don't really want to be in. If you're feeling sad, lonely, or desperate, it may not be the best way to start a relationship. Hallmark movies, holiday commercials, etc remind us that being with someone makes us feel cozy. There is a natural boost in serotonin when we're feeling romantic. I share my own experience of being in a "quasi" relationship during 1 of 4 cuffing seasons I've been through since being separated and divorced. I rebounded during my separation with a close friend. We dated through the fall and broke up on New Years Day. We went out on dates during the holidays, we exchanged gifts, and we were cozy. BUT shit got weird too... I was invited and then uninvited to an office Christmas party. The extra time I had during my holiday vacation time also exposed some underlying issues in our relationship. My boyfriend lied to me and declined an opportunity to spend time with me as well as an overnight invitation. He had family obligations that he wasn't truthful about. Because I didn't want to spend NYE alone, I stuck it out but broke up the next day. I don't regret this one cuffing season I participated in. I think we're way more prone to "submarining" during cuffing season. Be cautious reaching out and being receptive to attention from people you were once romantic with. Maybe it's a great time to reconnect, maybe not. Cuffing doesn't have to be for the whole season. Maybe it can be fun to go as a plus one to a holiday wedding or NYE party. You don't have to lock down. Personally, I don't miss getting pulled in many directions to attend a bunch of celebrations and buying gifts for so many people. I enjoy the simplicity of my holidays now when I share my energy and time with my close loved ones. I enjoy being a hermit when it's cold outside. I can cuddle with my puppy. For now, that's good enough for me. Support the show…

In this episode, I talk about navigating difficult conversations in our dating lives... When and how do we come clean about challenges (past or present) in our lives? Some of the topics I explore: Marital infidelity Financial/debt issues Health concerns, including addiction or previous battles with addiction Difficult Relationships with exes or children I share stories from listeners and friends, as well as a couple of my own. I also give advice, for what it's worth. :) Support the show…

In this episode, I explore all of the ways I could see my life play out as a single woman. I've done a lot of day dreaming and soul searching after divorce. One of the things I like to think about is what I could do if I grow old alone, but not lonely. Ideas of how I could spend my golden years single: Be a real life golden girl - live somewhere fantastic with widowed or divorced friends Build a carriage house adjacent to my married friends big house at the beach Live in a resort type setting at one of my favorite vacation spots- almost off the grid in Montana, a small condo in Vail, a tiny house on the beach Live the RV life exploring the country Follow my daughter (to somewhere in the south) - Start a business with Lanie Become a house mom at a Sorority or Fraternity Stay right where I'm at Focus on my career and pursue a promotion Move near Lanie to help with her family Uncertainty doesn't have to equal fear or sadness or anxiety. What's the worst that can happen? Is the idea of not being married (again) really that bad? Support the show…

Our pets impact our dating lives in countless ways. To begin, I share a tragic story of how I adopted a black lab puppy on a whim from a not-so reputable animal shelter in Kansas City years ago. My dad, logically and lovingly asked if I had thought this decision through. I was a young single mom of a 5 year old. Was it really a good idea to add a rambunctious large dog into the mix. He warned me that some men would not want to take all of that on. I answered with... "So be it. Love me, love my dog." He, of course, made a good point thought. Animals do complicate our lives. (In some of the best ways.) Next, I talk about how some of us end up sharing dogs with our exes. In my case, I asked Lanie's dad for permission to keep his Australian Shepherd, Maggie, around for protection. I also have a friend whose ex bought a dog to appease the kids only to expect her to be the primary caregiver of the dog. (He's not a dog person.) Sharing family pets is a common occurrence. A lot of the time, I think it can be a good thing. What kind of impression do pets make on our dating profiles? Being a "dog person" or a "cat person" can be divisive. Admittedly, I'm more drawn to men who love dogs. One complication of pet ownership while single may be meeting potential partners who are allergic or have an aversion to the type of animals we share our home with. Cat allergies are incredibly common, for example. Or, consider how many people feel about pet snakes... I share a story about my brother's cat allergies and another story about hanging out with a snake loving golfer at Mizzou. How do you feel about sharing a couch or a bed with someone's beloved cat or dog? Both animals can become territorial both of their space and their people. Also, you may find yourself covered in pet hair. How much are you willing to put up with? I tell a story about my puppy, Rip's overnight in the home of a guy I dated. I only covered a small number of ways our beloved pets can impact our dating lives. I'm not one bit apologetic for loving my baby boy puppy, Rip. I just need to find a man who will love him too. Support the show…

This episode is about all things happy and healthy that we should be looking for out in the dating world. The format for this episode is progressive... Green flags to spot when someone is into us when we first meet, when we're planning a first date, and while dating or in a relationship. I share personal stories along the way, per usual. Some Green Flags when we first meet someone Displaying genuine interest in you Natural, fun banter Positive gut feelings/excitement to hear from them Responsiveness/Consistency in communication Direct communication regarding feelings/excitement to meet Some Green Flags when planning a 1st date Decisiveness/A man with a plan The date is planned efficiently and joyfully Extra points if the date is planned based on the individual preferences and interests of your date. Some Green Flags on a 1st date Compliments on appearance Ease of conversation Lingering for dessert or another round Ending the date with a hug, kiss, maybe more?! Politeness- thanking your date for the coffee, dinner, their time, etc. Send a message within minutes/hours if you are confident want to go out again Some Dating Green Flags They remain interested and communicate consistently They are sweet, kind, and considerate They are honest, open, and transparent It should feel exciting and fun or at least positive and good Some Relationship Green Flags Respecting healthy boundaries - our time, our bodies, etc Physical/Sexual Compatibility Having long-standing healthy relationships/friendships Being in a good place in life/they're happy before we meet They take care of themselves (physically and emotionally) Vulnerability They have hobbies Empathy Support the show…

This episode is all about red flags - how to spot them and how to respond to them. I share my own stories of red flags from my past as well as from my current dating life. To begin, I talk about little pink flags- early flags that have popped up when I've just been texting or getting to know someone before a first date. A guy that I got to know early in 2020 is a great example. Some of the flags that bothered me: Texting too frequently Sharing every detail of daily life Talking too much about their work( instead of getting to know one another) Talking negatively about their job Then, I share some examples of red flags from my more recent dating life: Being unkind/rude to hostess, waitress, bar tender, valet, etc. Looking at a dating app while on a date. Being distracted by their phone while on the date (without explanation). They're currently in a toxic situation with an ex and they share details Signs of substance abuse and addiction Use of drugs/alcohol that doesn't align with your lifestyle Lying Love bombing - Identifying when it's genuine & authentic V a red flag Consuming all of your time Isolating you from friends/family Jealousy - of any relationship we have, including our children Feelings of being controlled or unfairly accused Moving uncomfortably fast Being critical of you (especially your appearance or things you can't change) I think time is crucial in deciphering flags from isolated, insignificant behaviors. Paying attention to actions (not only words) over the course of weeks and months will help us decide if we're seeing red flags that necessitate a break up. Pay attention to what is right in front of your face and recognize that is who you are choosing- not their potential. Support the show…

In this episode, I use songs from Lanie's country music playlist to describe how I hope to be thought of felt about by someone who loves me. I hope this musical discussion elicits thoughts in your own mind of what it is exactly you are looking for and how you hope to be treated. The first song I dissect is She's Everything by Brad Paisley. A few talking points are: It's nice to be appreciated for what we look like in our natural state. It's exhausting putting our best foot forward, appearance-wise all the time. I want to be with someone who expects me to have a full spectrum of emotions and wants me to express both the highs and the lows. I want to be understood. I want to be there for my person and make the people around me feel good and know that they are loved. I love BIG. I have a big heart and my feelings run deep. It's important to me that the person I'm with knows that if I'm mad, it's for good reason. The flip side is also true, I show my love loudly too. While I understand the ebb and flow of longterm romantic relationships, I love to be around people who dote on their significant others. I mean, bubble baths and wine just make me feel all warm inside. Growing old with someone sounds good to me. I don't think it's ever too late. The second country song I talk through is Billy Currington's song, Details. This song is about how this guy recognizes everything about the woman he adores. He seems to notice and pay attention to all of her attributes. I talk about how this song reminds me of a recent dating relationship I was in. I felt noticed and adored but not necessarily understood. I think there's the surface level of recognizing preferences and interests and then there's the deeper level of truly understanding and balancing their flaws with their gifts. The third country song I discuss is Zac Brown Band, Whatever it is. This song makes me feel flutters and fireworks. It's not a deep, sentimental song but it has a great vibe. It reminds me of when I met a guy at an event recently who kept telling me that he felt drawn to me and he couldn't explain why. Too bad he was married (See Ep53 Easy Targets). The last song is like an inspirational theme song for me. It's The Good Ones by Gabby Barrett. We can hope for all of the checklist items, but at the end of the day, simple qualities like solid and steady sound pretty great. After years of being alone, online dating, and getting hurt, it's easy to be discouraged. It can feel like the "good ones" are all committed and the single ones aren't what we're looking for. This song gives me the feeling of hopefulness that there are good people out there. Up Next, Ep55 RED FLAGS! Support the show…

In this episode, I talk about how we (single people) are often easy targets for married people to hit on, hit up on social media, to proposition or entangle in an affair. I begin by sharing my own personal examples of being hit on by married men. I talk about my reaction to being hit on and how I handled those situations. Many years ago after my first divorce, I first created my Facebook account. I was immediately contacted by a guy I had grown up with. He was married but asked me to keep in touch via messaging with him while he was deployed by the military. Shortly after that, I received a message from a guy I had dated when I was young. He was married but asked me to go to dinner with him while he visited Kansas City for work travel. Since then, I've received a couple of invitations from men I once dated who are now married. Then, I share two separate stories from two female friends of mine. One was approached on Facebook by an old friend. They met up for a platonic dinner but the next evening, he gave her a booty call. She felt as though he must've believed she was ready and willing to have an affair with him which ultimately made her feel bad about herself. In a conversation with her, I told I believe he was actually more to blame as he is the married one. He had teed up their reunion as friends but had ulterior motives. I believe she was the victim in this situation and deemed an easy target because she is single. My other friend has been receiving ridiculous sexual messages for years now from a married man in her social circles. Their children are friends and my friend knows his wife. My friend's boyfriend also is aware of the messages. She has chosen to ignore the propositions, porn, and explicit stuff he sends because it's just not worth it to disrupt his marriage and family. He obviously has issues. I believe the common link in all of these scenarios is that we are easy targets because we are unmarried. While we all are capable of being bated, enticed, or enjoy simply enjoy attention from the opposite sex, we singles would prefer it to be with other singles! Support the show…

In this episode, I talk about that undeniable pull that some individuals have. I share some stories from my youth, recent experiences, and a story of one of my girlfriends. I have a theory some people are just born with game. To drive this point home, I share stories of a kid I knew in elementary school and a boy I nannied while I was in college. These boys had the it-factor and it was undeniable as early as fourth grade. They were confident, but not arrogant. "Game" is almost never used as a female connotation. I do think as we get older, the term is less about confidence and potentially more about arrogance. I've maybe met a couple of guys with game as an adult. I enjoy a little game of flirt and fun. When it's lacking, I feel like dates feel too buttoned up and more business than pleasure. John Denver, a guy I dated, had a little bit of game. He was quit witted in texts. He was pretty good at banter and flirting. He was adoring and complimentary. He was a bit spontaneous and impulsive. When we were together, he opened doors, held my hand, and called me pet names. He was direct. The opposite of having game is playing games. You know, being coy - not responding to texts, waiting to call, being unavailable. I have a girlfriend who I think has a lot of game. She's bold, sexual, direct, funny, and flirty. She made a joke about her husband not having game. I love how she explained him. She said, "My husband doesn't have game. He has manners." Next, I share a story of a guy from my home town who somehow managed to sleep with a bunch of girls and he got most of them pregnant. He has several baby mama's and I don't really know how or why. My friend knows a very similar guy with eerily similar features. These two average guys make us wonder what it was about them that attracted women without even having to try. We decided it was their reputation and track record with women that made other women want them. I think the different facets of game are interesting: sex appeal confidence it-factor button pushers plays coy don't have to try mysterious In conversations with my friends we tended to agree that men who have a really strong "game" often are the ones who hurt us. It's sad but true. I share how I've been hurt by these guys and also how I've used my "powers" for evil rather than good. "Game" can be used in smart and sexy ways or to manipulate and hurt. I think people with a good amount of game do these communicate well ( I go into great detail about this.) I tell a story of a guy I was interested in years ago after my first divorce. He complimented features about me that I was insecure about - my hair and my hands, etc. I felt like he was being insincere and not honest compliments. I share another story of a coffee date. On our first and only date, he revealed to me that he had a nose job. It caused some issues in his previous marriage. He wanted to know how I felt about it. I told him I wasn't bothered by it and thought he looked great. As we continued to discuss cosmetic surgeries, I got the feeling maybe what he really wanted to know was if I was open to altering my own body. This was pre- boob job... I think a common denominator of game is the ability to make someone feel special in a sincere and honest way and be able to verbalize it without restraint. To me, good game is sexy, fun, sincere, genuine, honest, and played with good intention. Support the show…

In this episode, I share my thoughts on the Hot Crazy Matrix. I talk about how appearance, mental stability and emotional availability affect our search for a compatible partner. To begin, I think the terms hot, crazy, and emotionally unavailable are incredibly subjective. My idea of a HOT man, vastly differs from friend's opinions. I share a recent example. For the most part, I believe that what is "hot" to you, may not be "hot" to me. BUT, I also think there are some universally undeniably hot people out there who we can all agree on. To begin, I think it's wise for all of us to take an honest inventory of ourselves, physically. To drive home the point, I critique my own appearance. I think some people have a skewed version of their own attractiveness and it leads them to disappointment and an altered sense of reality regarding who they can attract based on physical traits alone. So, I suggest we should all consider how hot, crazy, and emotionally unavailable are WE before we cast judgement on others. Recently, I went on a date with a guy who shared with me that when he comes across a really beautiful woman on a dating app, the first question that comes to his mind is... (Fill in the _) What is WRONG with her? I think this is a storyline society creates. If you're gorgeous and alone, you must be crazy. From a female perspective, I think pretty boys are hard to find. When we're young, there are attractive people everywhere but as we age, I think it's MUCH harder to find someone we're attracted to. Speaking for myself, I am discerning and have had a hard time finding someone I have chemistry with at this point in my life. I make the point that our married friends have grown old with the loves of their lives. They fell for each other when they were young and hot and it still works because they've formed a loving bond so they're still into each other. Us singles out here are trying to be attracted to this older version of ourselves and it can be challenging. Have you ever tried to date someone who you don't consider to be that "hot" ? You try to convince yourself that because they're a good person the feelings will grow and you can make it work? I have. It's my opinion that there are physical, hormonal, chemical things that need to be present in order for sparks to fly. I just don't think you can make this shit up! Next, I share a CRAZY story a guy once shared with me. He was so taken with her beauty that he wanted to show her off to her friends. In my opinion, big mistake. The female version of the hot/emotionally unavailable matrix is laughable and definitely has some truth to it. At times, I've been guilty of being attracted to men who aren't available because I have been guarded and not ready for a relationship. Rich, successful, men with high social status will always attract some women who are seeking security, wealth, a free ride, whatever. What's worse, a guy dating a crazy hot chick or a woman dating an old rich guy?! Lastly, I share some of Darwin's theories on "Mate Value". Support the show…

My name is Stacie and I am an agist. I have never been interested in dating anyone more than a few years older or younger than me. My friend, Tonya, though... Well, she's quite different. We begin by chatting about our friendship when I was newly divorced from Lanie's dad and she was single, as well. We, along with another friend, called ourselves the Neapolitan Sundae. We three friends were different in many ways and our preferences when it came to men were different too. Tonya noticed back then, when I was 31, that I was biased when it came to age. Tonya shares the story of how she and her boyfriend of 11 years now met. There is a 16 year age gap that Tonya was initially uncomfortable with. When they met, Tonya was turning 41 and Brennan was 25. Tonya resisted Brennan initially, but Brennan persisted! We discuss some concerns about dating much younger or older: If significantly younger, I worry about looking older than him and staying as fit. Tonya shared that she isn't concerned about the physical differences between the two of them and reminded me that appearance comes and goes. Tonya shared that Brennan was concerned about Tonya dying on him. I completely get it! That is a reason I don't date men much older than me. I don't want to get short changed! Younger men I've dated have either been unsure about children or definitely want children. I'm not having anymore babies. Tonya shares how this topic impacted her and Brennan's relationship. Careers and finances may not align. We have an in-depth discussion about how attraction and chemistry may be different when you date younger or older. We shift the discussion to Tonya convincing me to date younger men. I was approached by HULU for a female empowering show casting women over 40 to date young men. I share all the details! We discuss the family dynamics and age... If the man is closer in age to my mom than me, I'm not into it. Tonya tells about meeting Brennan's parents. SPOILER ALERT - They were very accepting and loving! I told Tonya my theory that 39-40 isn't the right age for me to date. Tonya dispels my theory. Tonya and I talk about sex and how disappointing it can be over 40. Tonya transparently shared how fantastic her and Brennan's sex life is. She highly recommends having sex with younger men! Tonya gives me a pep talk and advice to not get hung up on age and advises me to date YOUNGER MEN, not older. Support the show…

Are you REALLY Happy being alone ( like I am)? If so, maybe you have some of the same struggles I have... I'm guarded and I'm getting VERY particular about who I share my heart and time with. Can you relate? In this episode, I'm going to share with you some examples of how I'm feeling SINGLE AF. At the end, I'm going to share a story from my stepdad Barry about his thoughts about navigating life alone or in a marriage. This past winter I hibernated. After months of launching this podcast and going out a lot, I retreated to my home and basically shared my time with Lanie, my dog, my family, and close loved ones. BUT, on a short trip to Washington DC, I did hop on BUMBLE for a hot minute. I met a really great guy who I nicknamed Clark Kent. We sparked a little romance and had one date in person. Aside from FaceTiming and getting to know him, my dating life was nonexistent. My winter was essentially cozy, cooped up, and boring... but not in a bad way. I totally enjoyed it. A lot of my friends spent their winter months similarly, so I don't think I'm alone in this. Flash forward to earlier today when I almost canceled a date because I hadn't heard from the guy in a few day. I was completely content to bake, watch The Flight Attendant, and stay in. Although I've gotten pretty rigid with how I spend my time, I ended up deciding to go out because I haven't gone out on a date in a long time and I was looking forward to meeting him in person. Then, out of nowhere, Nashville Nick texted me that he is in KC. What's a SINGLE AF girl to do?! Go out with two guys in one night. That's what. Duh. After attending a couple of funerals and experiencing the loss of my dog recently, I found myself unexpectedly wishing I had someone to console me and even hold me while I cry. Although I have a wonderful support system, that tender, intimate support is definitely missing in my life. I feel for all of you facing loss and life's challenges alone! Lastly, I share a story that Barry shared with me from a time when he was "dead single and alone". Support the show…

This inspiration for this podcast actually came from a Mass I attended. During the Mass, the priest said that if Moses were alive today he would be considered an "influencer". He went on to tell the parishioners that we could all be influencers for good in the lives of those around us, not just on social media. In this podcast, I explore how posts on social media affect us. I discuss my own presence on social media. Lastly, I talk about how we can all be influencers for good in the lives of children and in our daily/work lives. To begin, I use the example of the loss of my dog, Nica, to show how sharing on social media can be a healthy form of expression. I'm not above needing support and sympathy, but I think it's important to be clear and direct with our messages and captions online. I don't think we should use our shares to be manipulative or to draw negativity. It's important to keep it real and balanced. Our relationships with kids, direct or indirectly can be a great opportunity to influence for good. Through divorce, even after our kids have seen us struggle, we can be examples of strength, resilience, humanity, and grace. We can show them how to make responsible choices, take the high road, be amicable, and pull ourselves together. We can BE their emotional support person and not use THEM as our emotional support. If you don't have your own children, you can still have such great impact when you have genuine interest in them- what they're up to and how they're feeling. You can influence kids just by being a good listener. Your image alone can influence for good. You can emit positivity just by projecting happiness, care, and concern. I share examples from my career of times that I used my job as a pharmaceutical rep as an "influencer" to spread joy. There were many years when I felt as though my job didn't matter. I was overlooked and viewed more as a delivery person than an intelligent, skilled professional who brought value to a clinic. I shifted my mindset from feeling worthless to using my presence in the clinics as a platform to grow relationships, listen to other's stories, and share happiness with them. We can use brief, public interactions with strangers as an opportunity to be influencers for good. I share an example of a conversation I had with a young guy at a checkout at a local store. If we just open up and give a little, we can impact so many lives. Work environments are a huge part of our lives and they're not always positive . When your work environment is negative, you can choose to go against the grain by shedding a positive light and by not allowing yourself to be pulled down by negativity. Our work environments are ever-changing and you can even be a catalyst for good by simply being positive. When your influence spreads to others, that's when the game changes. Support the show…