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Choose To Be with Choose Recovery Services; Betrayal Trauma Healing

Choose Recovery Services - Alana Gordon and Amie Woolsey

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Choose To Be is focused on women healing from infidelity, and betrayal trauma. We are committed to helping women heal. Be a part of the conversation as we interview experts and others who have gone through this journey and gain tools to help you move forward. Alana and Amie bring their own experiences to the conversation, and their individual expertise makes for a unique and valuable resource. Alana Gordon-LMFT, CCPS, CSAT candidate, Betrayal Coach Amie Woolsey-Betrayal Coach, CPC, ELI-MP, A ...
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show series
 
Curious about where to even begin when thinking about full therapeutic disclosures? Join Amie, Alana, and guest, Luke Gordon, as they discuss the emotional preparation needed for both partners, especially focusing on the betrayer’s steps toward full transparency. Learn how to navigate the complexities of disclosure including the importance of empat…
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The holidays are quickly approaching. Are you emotionally ready for them? Today we are thrilled to welcome Sarah Morales, the "deconstructing gaslighting guru," as she shares strategies for taking back control of the holiday season. Sarah offers practical insights on recognizing toxic patterns and protecting your emotional wellbeing. She previews h…
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This week Luke again joins Amie and Alana as they explore the fears and barriers of full therapeutic disclosure in relationships. Listen in as they emphasize the importance of a structured disclosure process, the power of letting go of outcomes, and the transformative potential of embracing vulnerability. This episode highlights creating a safe spa…
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Are you curious about whether you're ready for a full therapeutic disclosure? Join Amie, Alana, and Luke as they discuss this critical question. They explore the importance of timing, mutual respect, and emotional readiness for both partners. Whether you're the betrayed or the betrayer, this episode offers valuable insights to help you navigate thi…
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Today we dive deeper into therapeutic disclosures and address main concerns that often arise when considering them for you and your partner. We delve into various reasons why therapeutic disclosures are crucial, and we explore reasons why a full disclosure might not be appropriate. 00:25 The Importance of Full Therapeutic Disclosure 03:11 Informed …
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Dive into a candid conversation as Luke Gordon, an expert in betrayal trauma and men's mental health, joins Alana. Together they tackle pressing questions many women have about their partner's troubling behaviors. Luke provides raw, honest insights into the mind of someone struggling with betraying and addiction. He tackles tough questions about tr…
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You’ve heard us talk about the intensives that Choose Recovery Services hosts, but how do you know if they’re the right fit for you? Listen to this special episode as Alana goes into detail about our upcoming Courage to Thrive Intensive. Learn what the intensive is, who it is for, and what it can do for your healing and growth. Over four transforma…
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In this episode, we introduce a series focused on full therapeutic disclosures. Hosts, including Luke Gordon, delve into the importance and process of full therapeutic disclosures in therapy. We discuss how Choose Recovery Services sets a higher standard for these disclosures and emphasize their role in rebuilding trust and intimacy in relationship…
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Our guest today is Rachel Hagstrom. She is on the blogger team with Affair Recovery, a board certified functional medicine health coach, and has a desire to walk alongside women who are navigating infidelity and betrayal, and help them discover ways they can support themselves physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. You can contact Rach…
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Join us in the third and final part of our series on the myths of sexual addiction. Alana, Amie, and Luke explore common misconceptions surrounding pornography use, forgiveness vs trust, and disclosure vs discovery. Tune in for insights and tools crucial to navigating sexual addiction and relational healing. Myths we tackle in this episode: “I only…
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In part two of this series, Amie, Alana, and Luke continue their conversation around sexual addiction myths. They tackle the myth that someone can control or recover from sexual addiction without professional help. They also explore the importance of having a solid support system as well as a growth mindset. Listen to learn: The pitfalls that can c…
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Amie and Alana are excited to welcome back guest Luke Gordon to tackle myths surrounding sexual addiction and recovery. Together they explore misconceptions about sobriety, the impact of acting-in behaviors, and the complexities of healing for both addicts and betrayed partners. This discussion provides essential information for anyone navigating t…
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Join us for part two of our series on debunking trauma recovery myths. In this episode, Amie and Alana tackle MORE common myths that can hinder healing such as "if the addict stops acting out, the betrayed partner will automatically get better," "separation always leads to divorce," and "boundaries shame the acting out partner." They provide insigh…
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In the world of betrayal trauma, sometimes it can be hard to distinguish fact from fiction. In this week’s episode, Amie and Alana strive to do just that. They debunk common misconceptions about forgiveness, trust, moving on, and the roles of both partners in recovery. Tune in to hear valuable insights that challenge your beliefs and guide you in n…
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Are you struggling with negative self-talk after experiencing betrayal? You are not alone! This week Amie and Alana explore the importance of healthy self-talk in your healing journey. Join them as they share personal experiences and practical strategies for recognizing negative thought patterns and replacing them with empowering beliefs that will …
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In the aftermath of betrayal, some partners commit to the hard work of healing and change, while others fall short. This episode speaks directly to those grappling with the realization that their partner isn’t doing the necessary work. Amie and Alana explore the stages of grief that often accompany this reality, and they offer practical advice on m…
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It’s hard to know what you can expect from your partner when trying to repair a relationship that has been affected by betrayal. However, one thing you CAN look for is consistency over time. But what does that really mean? This week Amie and Alana explore the topic of consistency over time and give you six main areas where you can watch for that co…
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Are you struggling with trusting your partner after betrayal? This week Amie and Alana discuss where to even begin when it comes to trusting again. They give valuable insight on recognizing patterns, establishing safety, and taking wise steps toward healing. If you find yourself trusting too soon or wondering why it’s taking so long for you to trus…
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When we experience trauma, our brains and bodies react in complex and automatic ways designed to protect us. In this episode, we revisit a conversation we had in 2022 with Jody VanDrimmelen, a licensed clinical social worker. Jody breaks down the science behind trauma responses and offers practical strategies for healing. Learn how to listen to and…
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Are you reeling from the discovery of your partner’s betrayal? This episode offers a lifeline for those newly facing the storm of infidelity. Join Alana as she explores common emotional reactions, debunks self-blame myths, and offers practical advice on stabilization and self-care. Whether you’re experiencing betrayal or supporting someone who is, …
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Are you seeking solace, healing, and transformation from betrayal trauma in ways you’ve never felt before? If so, join us August 21-24, 2024 in Spanish Fork, Utah at our Revive and Thrive Intensive. This four-day retreat offers a sanctuary for those healing from betrayal trauma, combining expert-led classes, somatic practices, and supportive commun…
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Lace up those dancing shoes because there’s a new acronym in town - SHAWN B! In a past episode we talked all about NOT dancing with Walter. In this week’s episode we introduce you to the partner you SHOULD dance with - SHAWN B. Join Alana and our guest, Laura Fisher (a fellow Choose Recovery Services coach), as they talk about the betrayed experien…
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When your partner has a sexual addiction, it can be confusing and incredibly painful. Join Amie and Alana as they tackle a listener’s question about whether their partner thinks about them during these acting out times. While the answer to that question is painful either way and you may feel the impulse to try to micromanage and control your partne…
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One of the most agonizing questions after a betrayal is, “Should I stay or go?” In this episode, Amie and Alana delve into the complex process of determining the answer to that question. Learn how to confront your fears and conscientiously choose the right path for you - whether that’s rebuilding the relationship or starting anew. Listen to learn: …
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When betrayal strikes, the question of “Who do I tell?” weighs heavily. In this episode, Amie and Alana provide a roadmap through this complex decision as they talk about finding emotional safety and trusting your intuition. Whether you’re just beginning your journey or are further along, this conversation provides a compassionate and nuanced persp…
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How do you love yourself first AND do the hard things? In this episode, Amie shares personal experiences and offers powerful perspectives on truly nurturing yourself through life’s chaos. You’ll learn practical tips for self-compassion, setting boundaries, and making time for yourself. This episode will give you the courage to turn inward as you fo…
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It can feel soul-crushing if your partner asks for a separation, but what if it’s actually an opportunity in disguise? This week Amie is a guest on Luke Gordon’s podcast. Luke is a men’s emotional health coach and cofounder at Choose Recovery Services. Listen in as Luke and Amie talk about how couples can use separation as a catalyst for profound i…
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Last week we learned the thought patterns of those who are in the victim and emerger stages of healing from trauma. Today Amie takes us through the final two stages - reclaimer and chooser. In this episode you’ll learn how to reframe toxic thought patterns and reclaim your truth. Understand how to shed your victimhood, separate your worth from emot…
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Do you feel stuck in the cycle of victimhood after betrayal, believing thoughts like, “I’ll never trust again” or “I’m not enough”? In this week’s episode, Amie walks us through the “Victim to Chooser” framework sharing the progressive stages she sees clients navigate towards healing and wholeness. Listen in to see if you have thought patterns that…
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Do you feel stuck wondering if you will ever heal from betrayal trauma? In this powerful episode Amie and Alana share their own experiences grappling with that exact question. They provide wisdom and practical tools for aiding your healing process whether you are just starting out or are further along the path. You can and will heal - as you keep t…
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Do you find yourself imagining all the ways things would be better “if he would just…”? If so, you’re not alone! In this episode Amie and Alana dive into this disempowering mindset and provide wisdom on shifting your thinking by focusing on what you can control. Gain clarity as they share candid examples and advice on how to take your next empowere…
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We all wear masks at times, but hiding your true self is exhausting and inauthentic. In this week’s episode we welcome back Luke Gordon. Luke opens up about his personal battles with hiding behind false versions of himself. He describes how he was finally able to deepen relationships when he stepped into vulnerability, integrity, and authenticity. …
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Your body is keeping secrets - traumatic memories and intense emotions locked away at a cellular level. In this episode, Amie and Alana dive into the science of how the body “keeps the score,” storing experiences that your conscious mind has disconnected from. Learn how to unlock your body’s innate wisdom to truly heal. Listen to learn: How emotion…
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Imagine being able to rewire your brain to heal from the devastation of betrayal trauma and PTSD. Many who have tried ketamine say they have done just that. On this episode, Alana explains what ketamine is and how it can help receptors in your brain work together to promote healing from the pain of trauma. Listen in as Alana shares her experience w…
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Are you constantly judging your emotions as good or bad? Do you feel guilty for experiencing “negative” feelings? In this episode, Amie dives deep into the tendency we often have of moralizing our emotions. Learn why it’s important to notice and name your feelings, to become aware of when you might be suppressing emotions, and how to embrace all of…
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Have you ever felt so overwhelmed by the damage caused by your addiction that giving up seemed like the only option? In this episode, Luke Gordon, cofounder and coach at Choose Recovery Services, as well as a father in recovery, opens up about grappling with feelings of hopelessness when facing attachment wounds inflicted on his children because of…
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This week we are excited to welcome Luke Gordon to the podcast! Luke is an emotional health coach and cofounder of Choose Recovery Services who specializes in helping men overcome unwanted sexual compulsive behaviors. Luke shares how disruptions in our earliest childhood attachments form the foundation for later challenges like addiction, unhealthy…
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When parents have experienced betrayal in their relationship, the entire family system is impacted. Teens and young adults are old enough to sense things are amiss, but may not understand everything that’s happening in their parents’ world. In today’s episode we are excited to welcome Morgan Ellsworth, a life coach at Choose Recovery Services. She …
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We know attachment can suffer between partners when there’s been betrayal or trauma, but how are our kids’ attachments impacted? In today’s episode, Amie and Alana unpack how to be a solid anchor for your children during hard times. Learn how to be grounded, regulated, and vulnerable to help your children stay securely attached to you even amidst c…
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Do you ever feel tangled up in knots trying to understand where your relationship pain stems from? How can you tell if your pain is coming from childhood attachment wounds or current betrayal trauma? This week Amie and Alana help us learn how to unravel old and new attachment knots and walk us through what we can do to feel secure again in our rela…
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Have you ever felt disconnected, even when your partner is right beside you? In these situations, ask yourself, “A.R.E. you there for me?” Amie and Alana break down the acronym "A.R.E." to give you a tool to help you set the foundation for meaningful bonds, communication and attachment. Learn how to deepen your connection so you can be there for ot…
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Do you crave deep connection but struggle to let partners in? Have you ever accused loved ones of being distant when they simply needed space? These behaviors could stem from your attachment style. Join Amie and Alana as they delve into attachment theory and how our attachment styles formed in childhood become blueprints for our relationships throu…
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Trust is essential in healthy relationships, yet it is shattered by betrayal. Rebuilding that broken trust can feel impossible. In this episode, Alana tackles head-on the messy complexities around trust after betrayal. She offers insight into power imbalances, avoiding the dangerous “floating saint” trap, boundary setting, embracing imperfection, a…
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If you’ve experienced betrayal in a relationship then you know what it’s like to feel rejected by your partner. But are you aware of ways you may be rejecting YOURSELF? In this episode, Amie sheds light on the topic of self-rejection. Learn what self-rejection is, how it shows up in our thoughts and actions, and what you can do to overcome this bar…
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Am I enough? Am I worthy of connection? Am I worthy of love? If you have found yourself asking these questions, then you will want to listen in as Amie and Alana and their guest, Jess Kovic, talk all about shame. Jess is a certified life coach, APSATS trainee, Brainspotting practitioner, and fellow team member at Choose Recovery Services. Jess help…
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Although he’s always eager to take you for a twirl on the dance floor, Walter isn’t the dance partner you want. His toxic tango can cause you to constantly trip up in your relationships. So who is this Walter guy? WALTER is an acronym representing the unhealthy communication behaviors we often fall into despite our best intentions. In this week’s e…
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Betrayal cuts deep, and that wound causes intense pain and heartache. In this episode, Alana talks about why betrayal is so traumatic. She walks us through the three main areas that betrayal attacks and outlines the six stages of healing. Listen to understand more about the strong emotions you may feel as you’re recovering from betrayal and how tha…
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Happy Holidays! Alana and I are so grateful to all you listeners and feel so blessed to hear from all of you and the support you feel from this podcast. Many of you will write in and kindly assume that we have it all together, so today we thought we'd show you just how much we don't! Head over to our YouTube channel to watch Alana and I listen to o…
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When you have experienced trauma or betrayal, grief and sadness feel like constant companions. Kim Brown, a grief educator, APSATS candidate, and certified betrayal trauma coach at Choose Recovery Services joins Amie and Alana this week to help us understand more about grief and its significance in our healing journey. If you find yourself constant…
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“I have to do it all! I have to BE it all!” If you often find yourself thinking these things, then this episode is for you! Amie and Alana share practical tips for finding balance amidst the seasonal chaos. If you feel overwhelmed and pressured to make the holidays (or any days!) picture-perfect, this episode will give you permission to do less of …
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