The Laws of Connection – David Robson

The Retirement Wisdom Podcast

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Get smarter about social connections. Science journalist David Robson rejoins us to discuss his new book The Laws of Connection: The Scientific Secrets of Building a Strong Social Network.

David Robson joins us from London.

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Bio

David Robson is an award-winning science writer specialising in the extremes of the human brain, body and behaviour.

After graduating with a degree in mathematics from Cambridge University, he worked as a features editor at New Scientist for five years, before moving to BBC Future, where he was a senior journalist for five years. His writing has also appeared in the Guardian, the Atlantic, Aeon, Men’s Health and many more outlets. In 2021, David received awards from the Association of British Science Writers and the UK Medical Journalists’ Association for his writing on misinformation and risk communication during the COVID pandemic, and in 2022, he was a finalist for the Best British Science Journalist of the Year Award.

David’s first book, The Intelligence Trap, was published in 2019, and received worldwide media attention. His second book The Expectation Effect was a BBC Radio 4 Book of the Week and won the British Psychological Society Book Award. His third book, The Laws of Connection, was published in June.

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For More on David Robson

Website

The Laws of Connection:The Scientific Secrets of Building a Strong Social Network

David’s First Conversation with Us: The Expectation Effect

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Wise Quotes

On The Importance of Social Connectivity

“I was blown away really by the strength of the link between social connection and health and wellness. So we’ve known since the 1970s, that the number of social connections that people have and the quality of those connections can predict longevity and general health across the lifespan. So people who not only have more connections, but also feel really supported and understood by the people around them, do tend to live longer. And that’s just been replicated hundreds of times. So the evidence base is really unquestionable, in my opinion. And we know that it at least equals the other lifestyle factors that we take for granted now, things like obesity, or remaining at a healthy weight, how much exercise you do, whether you smoke, whether you drink, whether you take medication for your hypertension – all of those things we accept as being important for our health and longevity. But when you look at the effect sizes, they’ve been measured in these huge studies, you find that people’s social connection is just as important. I found that really surprising just how important it was.”

On Meaning

“It was very clear to me that social connections are important, as C .S. Lewis said, for providing meaning in life. C.S. Lewis claimed that they didn’t have any survival value though, that friendship wasn’t important for survival. And what this research really showed is that actually, it does give us meaning in our life, but it’s also incredibly important just to live a long and healthy life. So, I wanted to try to do my part in raising this awareness and let people know, not just how important that is, but then how they can overcome those psychological barriers to achieve that connection that we all deep down really crave.”

On Cognitive Biases and Social Connection

“So that’s one bias. Another is something called the liking gap. And that is when we’ve had a good conversation with that new acquaintance. You felt like there was a real rapport with that person, but you don’t trust that the other person felt the same way. You worry that maybe they were just being pretty polite to you, that they were hiding their feelings, but you wonder if they were bored, whether you offended them, you kind of mull over some kind of faux pas that might have been, that you might have said that you think they’re really going to focus on. Again, those expectations are just completely unfounded. The research shows that each party experiences this liking gap where they think the other person liked them less than they liked the other person. Each person is underestimating how likable they were. So you go away, you don’t really necessarily want to make an extra effort to meet that other person because you don’t trust that your feelings were reciprocated when probably they were. That is a big barrier. And so actually my big advice for people to make new friends in any situation would just be to try to bear these biases in mind, to recognize that if you do make a habit of talking to strangers, chances are it’s going to be really pleasant, that’s going to give you an immediate mood boost.”

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About Your Podcast Host

Joe Casey is an executive coach who also helps people design their next life after their primary career and create their version of The Multipurpose Retirement.™ He created his own next chapter after a twenty-six-year career at Merrill Lynch, where he was Senior Vice President and Head of HR for Global Markets & Investment Banking. Today, in addition to his work with clients, Joe hosts The Retirement Wisdom Podcast, which thanks to his guests and loyal listeners, ranks in the top 1 % globally in popularity by Listen Notes, with over 1.2 million downloads. Business Insider has recognized Joe as one of 23 innovative coaches who are making a difference. He’s the author of Win the Retirement Game: How to Outsmart the 9 Forces Trying to Steal Your Joy.