I really have to encourage you to listen to this, because Log makes a whimsical guess during the second feature and it's honestly astonishing stuff. Elsewhere, Joe gets into advertising (again), Matt's been watching strangers on the beach (again), and Log regales us with tales from the life of man who sells fish in pubs (unique). P.S. You're a bee.…

When she saw me running backwards and forwards and getting confused, shouting "oh no I can't organise my thoughts because I'm running backwards and forwards and getting confused", my grandmother used to put a hand on my shoulder and say "more haste, less speed". I looked her square in the eye and said "oh my god you mad hag everyone knows time = di…

Oh my goodness, you STINK. Get in the bath immediately. I cannot BELIEVE how often I have to scrub the stink off of you in this bath. Urgh, first I need to scrape off this outer layer of Gavin, who has clearly been equating figures of Irish renown with NFL offensive positions. Oh, and what do we have under here? A Steve feature about his washing ma…

Take a little pinch of Regular, and a heaped teaspoon of Features. Pre-heat the oven. Sorry I was supposed to tell you to do that first. Unpinch the Regular and tip the Features back into the Feature Scuttle. Now that your hands are free, pre-heat the oven. Okay. Now you can repinch the Regular, add a heaped teaspoon of Features. Hold on. There was…

Oh, it's a bad day to be a dolemite! But possibly a good day if you're a children's book or someone called "Rocky Balboa".بقلم Regular Features

Welcome back to Britain's LEAST acclaimed podcast. It's Regular Features, gab nab it, and it's the only podcast on the web as far we know.In this episode, Steve has an update from the British Podcast Awards. Log measures our pride with a capital pee. And Matt talks about chairs for what seems like ages, but turns out is only about 12 minutes. Okay …

We can't believe we're the first ever podcast to reach Episode 600. Feels a bit weird tbh. But thank YOU, dear readers, for supporting us all these years and for keeping this runaway train of nonsense chugging along and stocked up with coal. (the coal is likes and iTunes reviews and the track is Patreon money fyi)…

Whaaah it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, I'm sure. Who me? Whah ah am the most readily scandalised debutante in all of Mississippi. A single nod from a brute would be enough to butter my teacakes and make my shadow scurry up my garters, ahhh doooo believe. Ahh rahhllyy achsually dooooo if you don't mind.In this episode, Joe introduces me t…

Open wide, it's time for podcasts.In this episode, Joe recounts the story of a man who drove his car into where a multi-storey car park wasn't, Steve invites us on a tour of Candyman's factory, and Log lists the animals of his local city farm that have displeased him.بقلم Regular Features

Whether you're looking for the hottest new magpie or the latest dad's brother, the Regular Features podcast is your one stop shop for all things birds AND uncles. So come on down to this episode. The uncles and birds are waiting... for you??In this episode, Joe shows off his criminal underbelly. Log learns to speak the ancient language of beak. And…

Hello and welcome to the only podcast that is "Regular Features".In this episode, Joe samples forbidden chlorinated delicacies of the new world, Ryan Coogler bugles his way into and out of yet another scrape, and Steve wonders what if Bebop out of Ninja Turtles wound up Pope.بقلم Regular Features

Welcome back to the Regular Features podcast, the only podcast that enters your dreams every night to chase you around a big hedge maze. And when you wake up there are hedge clippings under your pillow. And when you shake your husband awake to tell him about the dream, he has OUR faces. Dream within a dream, baby! We're the only podcast that does t…

It's another quiet day in the Regular Features stock market today, and OH MY GOD THE FEATURES INDEX IS CRASHING. Put in a big buy order for Log talking about Tinkletown! Sell your stocks in Pope futures, because Joe's lifting the lid on a smoky secret! And whatever you do, hold onto your animal facts, because Matt's flooding the market!…

Mmm, we have just baked a delicious episode. Now to leave it cooling on the windowsill with all delicious smell lines coming out of it. We hope there are no hungry readers hiding in our begonias.HEY. In this SPECIAL two-boy episode, Joe attempts to decipher a cryptic feature idea from his notes app. And Steve reckons Katy Perry aint been quite righ…

This week we preview the 2025 Video Games BAFTA Awards one whole week after they've been announced. How did we manage such a time-bending feat? We're not quite sure ourselves.بقلم Regular Features

Four podcasters, two pairings, one episode. Joe and Gav face off against Matt and Log in a barely conceived concept episode. Do not adjust your set, because your set doesn't control podcasts.بقلم Regular Features

In this episode, Log is up for a BAFTA, which looks like you're SHOUTING it because it's an ACRONYM. For the sake of making each of our features sound equally prestigious: Steve is talking about EARWAX, and Joe suspects somebody might be trying to MURDER the inventor of the SAXOPHONE.OKAY?بقلم Regular Features

Hi, I'm Joe Skrebels. I just want you to know that I downloaded the public domain image used as art for this episode of the podcast before I realised it looked like me on that sled. I want to make it very clear that I did not teleport back to the 1930s for a photoshoot that I could use as podcast art almost a century later. I wouldn't do that, I ha…

Welcome to Regular Features, the only podcast that's been clinically proven to be both big AND clever. In this week's episode, teenage Steve gets a visit from The Rock out of Wrestling, Matt intrudes into the personal doings of a Pikachu, and Log designs his own cash register, or "till", as in "I'm not serving you this pint till you give me coins f…

Are you a victim of shiny ham? Did you think it was like shiny beef (which is fine), ate it, and your hands fell off? Then are we the legal team for you! We will personally sue the pig who produced your ham that went shiny. If they're already dead, we'll sue their piglets. We will get you your money back! But not your hands, those are long gone. Ac…

Hello, my name is Betty Boop, the owner of the Regular Features podcast. I am 95 years old but still as sprightly as a bag of Tennessee pickles. Teehee. Anyway it is my pleasure to welcome you to another episode I suppose. In this one, Steve's still on about aeroplanes for some reason, Log discovers the origins of Hockley Nottingham's infamous Goos…

This week Bobby Williams' monkey movie has a grip on the Regular Features boys however one of the lads refuses to be caught up in the zeitgeist and has done a feature about Family Fortunes or summin'. This episode of the podcast is dediated to Twins director David Lynch.بقلم Regular Features

New year, new you? No! Old year, OLD YOU. Open up those earholes and let us slither on in again, like you always do. Change is for the weak. Continuing to listen to Regular Features is strength. Phwoar. Look at you. Have you been working out.In this episode, Joe's got hoofs on the baize, Steve's got lungs out of phase, and Log's got heraldic insigh…

This year instead of our annual Ramblemas Special, we bring you the inaugural Regular Features Rambuary Spectacular.بقلم Regular Features

Come and get your oats, mother. I have prepared the oats for thee. They are in the garage, mother. I have set the oats on the floor, behind the Citroen. Pay no heed to the engine noise, mama. Consume the oats and be satisfied. Oh mother, it is dark behind the Citroen. Allow me to illuminate your meal of oats with the car's reversing lights. No, I w…

I'm uploading this from America, which means that you should now be seeing Coca-Cola streaming from the USB port of your phone. That's free Coca-Cola, so don't miss out. It's going in your shoe! It's going in your shoe!! You got Coca-Cola shoe!!! That's not our fault. Get a glass, now, make the most of it. Oh it's over. Don't blame us, it's your ph…

This week Joe has a bone to pick with Gav and it's nothing to do with the fact that Gav saw King Charles the other day and didn't spit at him. Matt also invites you to enjoy a game show he's made about a well. Like what the title and the artwork are on about.بقلم Regular Features

Hello, this is an episode Regular Features. Please remain seated until your group number is called. In this episode, Log's friend Wolf Blitzer dispenses with his unruly cats. Matt dispenses playground justice. Steve dispenses a helicopter into a mountain. Joe dispenses a lost Elvis Presley recording.…

In this episode, Log gets a cease and knock-it-off from the estate of a former member of house of the England parliament of the member of the right honourable house of members of the house... in Britain! And Steve's friend has been rubbing shoulders with stars on a barge. Barge stars! Legal threats! What more can we give? We're doing our best!!…

Horpen up your gorp and slorp it orp, friend, it's a new episode of Regular Features, the podcast that just won't stop. If we stop doing it, we die!In this episode, Steve experiences a sensory deprivation tank. Log's friend visits a mysterious horny island. And Joe translates opera for our swine-ears, our uncultured hog-brains. Meep.…

Autoglass repair? Okay cool, yeah I'm into this. I'm buying what you're selling. I'm picking up what you're putting down. A repaired windshield, well who could say no to that? What a deal! My beautiful original windshield, restored to its former glory, the idea delights my heart! What's that?! Autoglass REPLACE?! Well hold on just a minute!!!In thi…

It's another episode of Regular Features, the podcast named "top result" by Spotify when you search for Regular Features in the podcasts section.In this episode, Steve writes an entirely original screenplay for an action movie. Joe dives deep into the horrid curse of the Kennedys. And Log, god love him, Log is simply standing there while this whole…

Uptown girl? Yeah, last I heard she's been living in that uptown world. At least that's what everyone's been saying. Apparently she comes home at all hours of the night, stinking of uptown. What's uptown? Not much town, what's up with you!!!In this episode, Joe gets a visit from the enigmatic creator of the new social media network Bluesky, Steve i…

Readers! No! Get away from that. You can't have that, it's poison. It's poison to readers. You wouldn't like it.In this episode, Steve got a mpox jab, Joe got a birthpaper, and Log starts sleeping in his talk. Wow.بقلم Regular Features

We do our best, and so do you. Good. Good you!!!In this episode, Steve talks frankly too much about his trip to America. And Log embarks on a mission to be "read out" on the radio.بقلم Regular Features

We can't keep meeting like this!!In this episode, Joe wonders what would happen if you did a wet space in orbit. Log ponders on Andrew Tate's beautiful penis. Steve recounts the time we went to the Olympics... and won!بقلم Regular Features

Knock knock, open wide, see what's on the other side. Knock knock, any more, come with me through the magic door... of Regular Features!In this episode, Log finds out once and for all who dogs love the most, then reveals some behind-the-scenes gossip about the hit new videogame Thank Goodness You're Here. Steve addresses the Simmons in the room.…

And where do you think you've been these past four weeks? Think you can come slinking back into our lives like nothing's happened? That things would be the same again? Well you're right, and we forgive you. But DON'T let it happen again.In this episode, Log catches up with people we've agony aunted, Joe devises some cool new tech for food, and Stev…

I scream. You scream. We all scream. And for what? What was the point of all that screaming? This ice cream? This lowly creeeaam? Pfft. I don't see what's so great about this ice cream that you're all screaming wild about it. Here, let me taste some. Oh... oh wow... AARGGRGHHHHHH.In this episode, Steve gets all ringed up. Joe learns the secrets of …

Wets here! Get your wets. Fresh wets. Only the finest wets. Just came in this morning. Low low prices. Affordable wets for the family. You sir, want wets? Well you can't have one. No wets for you. Don't even look at my wets.In this episodes, Log meets a yummy mummy. Joe meets a juice fanatic. And Steve overhears the pope dropping some f-bombs near …

Excuse us, we got hoovered into a big tornado but we're back now.In this episode, Joe does a feature all about Steve's stag do. Log does a feature all about Steve's stag do. And Steve, well you'd never guess, but he does a feature about a time cop.بقلم Regular Features

This week Matt, Steve and Gav drank precisely 4 pints of lager and got into a room to record a podcast together. What is this, 2013??بقلم Regular Features

If you don't know what we're talking about in your episode, that's actually on you, because you haven't done the research. Joe's discussing his very personal view on a smash hit television series everyone except Log and Steve has hopefully seen. Log, meanwhile, hopes you're au fait with a 1970s album that DOESN'T include Diana Ross. Steve stand, bl…

JUMP! For my love. JUMP IN! And feel my touch. Please, wife, you have to jump now before it's too late. The cruise ship is sinking and this is the last lifeboat. If you don't jump, I'll float away and you'll be left to drown alone on that cursed boat. So, if you want to taste my kisses in the night, or ever again, my sweet love, then... JUMP!In thi…

"Stop, Children, what's that sound?"Let me stop you right there, Buffalo Springfield, because I think I know the answer to this one. "That sound" is Episode 562 of Regular Features. And you know what? It very nearly wasn't. This is an unusual episode, in that it survived the total post-recording elimination of one participant, "Log", thanks entirel…

Well, I ate the whole thing. Shrug emoji!In this episode, Joe brings us to the aid of an ailin' 'n' flailin' maestra flautist, Gav discovers a hidden side effect of jelly boy bonification, and Steve delves deep into the Regular Features agony auntsack.بقلم Regular Features

Did you know that the famous advertising slogan "got milk?" was almost something very different? Originally the tagline for milk was going to be "gimme da heffer wets, brother", until a marketing executive decided the phrase was too long to be coherently burped into a mother's face after downing the last pint of refreshing milk, straight from the f…

We're back! Sorry we've been away for a while, it's because we are actually dead now. Yeah we died. Sorry!In this episode, Matt sees a waxy head in a box. Steve shares a special moment with Jedward near some garlic. And Log tastefully designs each of our funerals. We'll be back with regular episodes from exactly now on. PLEASE. YOU MUST FORGIVE.…

Joe and Gav are now fully fledged magicians and they took their latest trick to the Blackpool Magic Convention to see if they could fool some fellow conjurers.بقلم Regular Features

We can't keep meeting like this.In this episode, Joe finally brings Great British advertising to the hallowed American Superbowl. Log slips into a Helen-inspired reverie. Steve reads an excerpt from Bradley Wigginseses autobiography.بقلم Regular Features