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The Daily Show's correspondent Dulcé Sloan and writer Josh Johnson turn their hilarious, unpredictable, and legendary office banter into a weekly war of words about topics big and small, but mostly small: long engagements, brunch, texting versus calling, chiropractors, and more. New episodes every Thursday.
 
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“If I'm on the internet, I'm not going to see these little impulse buys. I'm not going to see this pack of gum at the register. There's no pack of gum at the register in an online store.” - Dulcé Sloan “An online store will tell you up top - the thing you want, we ain't got any. The one you like, it's not here. We'll send you an email when it gets …
 
“With a loud neighbor, their lifestyle is invading my home. I've lived in places where it felt like the roof was gonna cave in because I heard every footstep. “ - Dulcé Sloan “I will say, a nosy neighbor might just save your life, you know? A loud neighbor has never solved a murder. They've never helped in an investigation.” - Josh Johnson We’re re…
 
“You can actually have an experience with a person in a day date, that I think in dinner dates you’re limited.” - Josh Johnson “What I’m saying is, you better take a bitch to dinner first. You better spend them coins.” - Dulcé Sloan It’s day dates vs. dinner dates this week on Hold Up with Daily Show correspondent Dulcé Sloan and writer Josh Johnso…
 
“There's way more work that goes into the onion ring, but anything that's classy and of value is going to require more work.” - Dulcé Sloan “You're telling me that you would rather, in your life, hot battered grease over onions than a delicious, freshly cut crinkled or curly potato. Because you're giving up all types of fries.” - Josh Johnson It’s …
 
“What I'm saying is this, lasagna is also versatile, because you can make it vegetarian, you can make it vegan, you can put all the meats in it, you can put any types of meat in it.” - Dulcé Sloan “I'm spaghetti all day. All right. I'm spaghetti all the way around until they turn to SpaghettiOs. All right.” - Josh Johnson We’re bringing back the ul…
 
“Because I'm a beach person, right? Because my family's from Miami, I was born there, we used to live there. And so, for me vacation means beach. Period.” - Dulcé Sloan “Whereas a staycation, now it's all up to you. Do you want Netflix? Do you want to just relax? Do you want sleep? That's all happening. It's happening at home.” - Josh Johnson We’re…
 
“As someone who believes in whimsy, as someone who loves wonder, as someone who believes that a childhood has some magic in it, I think that Santa is a good starter lesson.” - Josh Johnson “Lesson in what? Adults will lie to you?” - Dulcé Sloan In this Holiday themed episode of Hold Up, Daily Show correspondent Dulcé Sloan and writer Josh Johnson d…
 
“Hotels edge out because sometimes hotels got a pool, hotels got a gym, hotels have a bar. A hotel can have a business center which is just a room with a printer.” - Dulcé Sloan “There are some places that you want to go where the hotel is going to be quite a drive from where you actually want to hang out, whereas an Airbnb has the ability to be mu…
 
“Target ends up being better because Walmart is too busy being chaotic. You know what you didn't see when you went to Target, you didn't see a proposal on aisle eight. You didn't see someone trying on clothes that do not fit them” - Josh Johnson “You've been working your whole life to not be a Walmart person. I, on the other hand, have always embra…
 
Josh and Dulcé are off today spending time with their families, but check out last week’s episode rehashing sweet potato pie vs. pumpkin pie. Hold Up will be back next week with an all-new episode! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.بقلم Comedy Central & iHeartPodcasts
 
“First of all, I'm a good person. Okay? So you know for fact that I pick sweet potato. Because ain't no way on God's blue marble that I'mma act like that I am going to be eating something that people carve faces to.” - Dulcé Sloan “I've never had a bad pumpkin pie, mainly because they've been store bought. But I have had some homemade pumpkin pies …
 
"A cabin has the tranquility of nature.” - Josh Johnson “What about bears? There are way more animals that can attack you in the mountains, than can attack you in the ocean.” - Dulcé Sloan As a follow up to last week’s debate on summer vs. winter, it’s mountain cabins vs. beach houses this week on Hold Up with Daily Show correspondent Dulcé Sloan a…
 
Daily Show contributor Jordan Klepper knows the typical rally mottos. In his new podcast, "Jordan Klepper Fingers the Conspiracy", Jordan is diving into the wildest conspiracy theories pitched to him at Trump Rallies and is determined to trace down whether or not they’re true (they’re not). Join Jordan in finding out more about theories like The De…
 
“So I’m a summertime gal because your best family get-togethers, out here in the summertime, right? Also, my birthday is the ultimate summertime gig” - Dulcé Sloan “Winter comes with a lot of the good foods, comes with a ton of indoor activities. If you're an introvert. Winter reigns supreme.” - Josh Johnson It’s Summer vs. Winter this week on Hold…
 
“I don't know what demon came out with the peep.” - Dulcé Sloan “Candy corn is out here being the worst… I don't understand how you mess up sugar because for as much sugar as candy corn is made of, how did it get like this? Why is it being like this? - Josh Johnson It’s Candy Corn vs Peeps in a battle for the worst Halloween candy on this week’s ep…
 
“A good DJ, okay? They're going to be paying attention to the flow of the party. They're going to be paying attention to beats per minute.” - Dulcé Sloan “With a wedding band, there is an energy in the room that can’t be matched by just playing a song out in the dance hall.” - Josh Johnson It’s wedding DJs vs. wedding bands this week on Hold Up wit…
 
“When you wake up at those early hours.. that's the billionaire millionaire type lifestyle right there. Where you just have so much done while other people are still waking up.” - Josh Johnson “Our early birds have given us function, but our night owls are giving us design and fun.” - Dulcé Sloan It’s early birds vs. night owls this week on Hold Up…
 
“Irons got those settings on them. They got nylon, they got silk, they got cotton, they got polyester. All right? You can adjust the knob” - Josh Johnson “A steamer, pour some water in that bitch, and let the steam do the walking. Okay? You let the steam calm through them wrinkles. Let the steam knock it out” - Dulcé Sloan It’s irons vs. steamers t…
 
“I like the flakiness. I like the butteriness. I like the versatility of a croissant.” -Dulcé Sloan “Croissants…too flimsy…they don't have the structural integrity to uphold the meats and cheeses that we want to use to make them a sandwich.” - Josh Johnson It's bagels vs. croissants this week on Hold Up with Daily Show correspondent Dulcé Sloan and…
 
"Because I’ve never really been a pasta person, lasagna’s really the only thing I’ve liked because it’s very difficult to make.” - Dulcé Sloan “The simple fact that you’re half a measurement away from making bad lasagna at all times is why spaghetti is superior.” - Josh Johnson It’s lasagna vs. spaghetti, two Italian culinary heavyweights, this wee…
 
Last week, Josh and Dulcé promised an episode on bananas vs. plantains and they delivered. Dulcé defends her love for plantains, and goes after Josh’s banana-yellow hoodie (yep, he color-coordinated, and yep, she went there). Josh and Dulcé also chat about whether anyone actually likes banana-flavored candy, how you CAN but shouldn’t eat a raw plan…
 
It’s their most contentious debate yet and it’ll get you more fired up than when Josh tried to say ketchup was tomato soup. Daily Show correspondent Dulcé Sloan and writer Josh Johnson argue over their preferred staple flavor: chocolate or vanilla. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.…
 
What’s the best form of entertainment: movies or TV series? Do you prefer at-home streaming services or going to a movie theater? Daily Show correspondent Dulcé Sloan and Daily Show writer Josh Johnson discuss TV reboots, the heartbreak of TV show cancellations, the struggles of watching movies with your parents, and how Lifetime movies sparked Jos…
 
When it comes to airline seats, which do you prefer? Daily Show correspondent Dulcé Sloan and Daily Show writer Josh Johnson debate the better seat: the window or aisle. The two discuss the ease of getting to the bathroom on the plane if you’re in an aisle seat, the head support a window seat provides when taking a nap, and the dos and don’ts of mi…
 
What’s the best breakfast food: waffles or pancakes? Daily Show correspondent Dulcé Sloan and Daily Show writer Josh Johnson go head-to-head on appropriate toppings, which has the better texture, and which is worse, a hotel waffle iron or a pancake conveyor belt? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.…
 
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